Sometimes it seems to me like these two titles of God are almost.....not fitting to go together.
Last night I got a huge massive revelation of God.
I was thinking what if God was only one and not the other?
I need GOD, the one who is above all and who has no equal, yet loves ME and my tiny heart. I need You to be all that You are. YAHWEH, and my lover. Are they the same person? If they're not then I will die.
Do you care about the desires of my heart? Do you care about the my longings and what happened and what is happening in my tiny life? Are you the one in charge of all that? Are you the one doing it all and working things together and orchestrating things and leading me? Do you care about my heart? Do you understand me? Do you know why I cry and why I get excited and happy?
If you do, then are you also the One I read about in the Old Testament, the one who has created all things, who is above all, who has set boundaries for the sea, who is such a mystery and does not show your face to men your creation?
If you were only that, only YAHWEH the mystery, the Holy One altogether set apart, then I could never know you and would never know love.
If you were only my intimate heart-friend and lover, then I would be lost and afraid in this huge world and in life with no answers and nothing to hold onto. YOU MUST BE BOTH OR I WILL DIE!
"The God who made the world and everything in it is the Lord of heaven and earth and does not live in temples built by human hands. And he is not served by human hands, as if he needed anything. Rather, he himself gives everyone life and breath and everything else. From one man he made all the nations, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he marked out their appointed times in history and the boundaries of their lands. God did this so that they would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from any one of us. ‘For in him we live and move and have our being.’ As some of your own poets have said, ‘We are his offspring.’" Acts 17:24-28
"The Son is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. For in him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things have been created through him and for him. He is before all things, and in him all things hold together. And he is the head of the body, the church; he is the beginning and the firstborn from among the dead, so that in everything he might have the supremacy." Colossians 1:15-18
"Jesus answered: “Don’t you know me, Philip, even after I have been among you such a long time? Anyone who has seen me has seen the Father. How can you say, ‘Show us the Father’? Don’t you believe that I am in the Father, and that the Father is in me?" John 14:9, 10
"You have searched me, LORD, and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you, LORD, know it completely. You hem me in behind and before, and you lay your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain." Psalm 139:1-6
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Rain
One day very soon the floodgates of heaven will be opened up over whole cities and whole nations and we won't be able to contain the downpour.
One day we are going to see His glory cover the earth as the waters cover the seas and it will be the most glorious thing we can imagine.
One day as the saints are crying out in unity for His face like nothing else, longing for the fullness like nothing else, the clouds are going to break and it's gonna rain.
It will rain on the churches.
It will rain on the prayer meetings.
It will rain in the bars and clubs.
It will rain in the streets.
It will rain in the schools.
It will rain in the dumps.
It will rain on jails and prisons.
It will rain in grocery stores and banks.
It will rain in Red-Light Districts.
It will rain in brothels.
It will rain in crack-houses.
It will rain in the universities.
It will rain in Hollywood.
It will rain in Vegas.
It will rain in LA.
It will rain in Washington DC.
It will rain all over Asia, all over Africa, South America, Australia, Europe, Antarctica.
It will rain in Israel.
The rich and poor, the young and old, no one will stay dry. He is coming. The rain is coming! I hear the sound of the coming rain. I see revival rolling in.
And so I hit my knees to contend for this coming rain.
Open up the heavens Lord
One day we are going to see His glory cover the earth as the waters cover the seas and it will be the most glorious thing we can imagine.
One day as the saints are crying out in unity for His face like nothing else, longing for the fullness like nothing else, the clouds are going to break and it's gonna rain.
It will rain on the churches.
It will rain on the prayer meetings.
It will rain in the bars and clubs.
It will rain in the streets.
It will rain in the schools.
It will rain in the dumps.
It will rain on jails and prisons.
It will rain in grocery stores and banks.
It will rain in Red-Light Districts.
It will rain in brothels.
It will rain in crack-houses.
It will rain in the universities.
It will rain in Hollywood.
It will rain in Vegas.
It will rain in LA.
It will rain in Washington DC.
It will rain all over Asia, all over Africa, South America, Australia, Europe, Antarctica.
It will rain in Israel.
The rich and poor, the young and old, no one will stay dry. He is coming. The rain is coming! I hear the sound of the coming rain. I see revival rolling in.
And so I hit my knees to contend for this coming rain.
Open up the heavens Lord
Monday, November 15, 2010
My favorite Jim & Elisabeth Elliott quotes
JIM ELLIOTT:
"What good are Greek, commentaries, insight, gift, and all the rest, if there is no heart for Christ?"
Father, make of me a crisis man. Bring those I contact to decision. Let me not be a milepost on a single road; make me a fork, that men must turn one way or another on facing Christ in me."
"God always gives His best to those who leave the choice with him."
"Wherever you are, be all there. Live to the hilt every situation you believe to be the will of God."
"One does not surrender a life in an instant. That which is lifelong can only be surrendered in a lifetime."
"Remember that the shadow a thing casts often far exceeds the size of the thing itself (especially if the light be low on the horizon) and though some future fear may strut brave darkness as you approach, the thing itself will be but a speck when seen from beyond. Oh that He would restore us often with that 'aspect from beyond,' to see a thing as He sees it, to remember that He dealeth with us as with sons."
"God, I pray Thee, light these idle sticks of my life that I may burn for Thee. Consume my life, my God, for it is Thine. I seek not a long life but a full one like You, Lord Jesus."
"We are spiritual pacifists, non-militants, conscientious objectors in this battle-to-the-death with principalities and powers in high places. Meekness must be had for contact with men, but brass, outspoken boldness is required to take part in the comradeship of the Cross. We are "sideliners" -- coaching and criticizing the real wrestlers while content to sit by and leave the enemies of God unchallenged. The world cannot hate us, we are too much like its own. Oh that God would make us dangerous!"
ELISABETH ELLIOTT:
"If we do anything to further the kingdom of God, we may expect to find what Christ found on that road - abuse, indifference, injustice, misunderstanding, trouble of some kind. Take it. Why not? To that you were called. In Latin America someone who feels sorry for himself is said to look like a donkey in a downpour. If we think of the glorious fact that we are on the same path with Jesus, we might see a rainbow."
"If my life is surrendered to God, all is well. Let me not grab it back, as though it were in peril in His hand but would be safer in mine!"
"We must quit bending the Word to suit our situation. It is we who must be bent to that Word, our necks that must bow under the yoke."
"Experience has taught me that the Shepherd is far more willing to show His sheep the path than the sheep are to follow. He is endlessly merciful, patient, tender, and loving. If we, His stupid and wayward sheep, really want to be led, we will without fail be led. Of that I am sure."
"What good are Greek, commentaries, insight, gift, and all the rest, if there is no heart for Christ?"
Father, make of me a crisis man. Bring those I contact to decision. Let me not be a milepost on a single road; make me a fork, that men must turn one way or another on facing Christ in me."
"God always gives His best to those who leave the choice with him."
"Wherever you are, be all there. Live to the hilt every situation you believe to be the will of God."
"One does not surrender a life in an instant. That which is lifelong can only be surrendered in a lifetime."
"Remember that the shadow a thing casts often far exceeds the size of the thing itself (especially if the light be low on the horizon) and though some future fear may strut brave darkness as you approach, the thing itself will be but a speck when seen from beyond. Oh that He would restore us often with that 'aspect from beyond,' to see a thing as He sees it, to remember that He dealeth with us as with sons."
"God, I pray Thee, light these idle sticks of my life that I may burn for Thee. Consume my life, my God, for it is Thine. I seek not a long life but a full one like You, Lord Jesus."
"We are spiritual pacifists, non-militants, conscientious objectors in this battle-to-the-death with principalities and powers in high places. Meekness must be had for contact with men, but brass, outspoken boldness is required to take part in the comradeship of the Cross. We are "sideliners" -- coaching and criticizing the real wrestlers while content to sit by and leave the enemies of God unchallenged. The world cannot hate us, we are too much like its own. Oh that God would make us dangerous!"
ELISABETH ELLIOTT:
"If we do anything to further the kingdom of God, we may expect to find what Christ found on that road - abuse, indifference, injustice, misunderstanding, trouble of some kind. Take it. Why not? To that you were called. In Latin America someone who feels sorry for himself is said to look like a donkey in a downpour. If we think of the glorious fact that we are on the same path with Jesus, we might see a rainbow."
"If my life is surrendered to God, all is well. Let me not grab it back, as though it were in peril in His hand but would be safer in mine!"
"We must quit bending the Word to suit our situation. It is we who must be bent to that Word, our necks that must bow under the yoke."
"Experience has taught me that the Shepherd is far more willing to show His sheep the path than the sheep are to follow. He is endlessly merciful, patient, tender, and loving. If we, His stupid and wayward sheep, really want to be led, we will without fail be led. Of that I am sure."
........
God, please.......oh my goodness. I need so much help. Im just longing inside. *SIGH*
One day I will know, and I will see. Right now I can only see a reflection of what will be.
Please give grace to my heart Lord. Please give me patience. Please HELP me to wait and wait with peace and steadfastness in my heart instead of anxiety. Because I really haven't learned to wait until I can wait peacefully.
Your love never fails, your truth is a rock. And I will stand on it all the days of my life. You know my only one heart's desire is You.
I don't like how my heart gets so excited so often and how much I live by my emotions. I'm trying so hard to walk by faith, not by sight, not by facts or feelings. I really am trying. I'm trying so hard to not go by my feelings. God, I know you are faithful. I know you have proved yourself to me time and time again. You never fail me. I NEED HELP. HELP ME, JESUS.
I will hang on to the truth that You are good. And that one day soon I will see and I will know. Please help me Daddy. I need You so much.
I can't do this without you. I can't do this day without you.
The Lord is good to those who wait for Him. I will be still. HELP ME. I can't be still unless you help me. It's not in me to wait and to be still and bear silence, unless You put it in me. You have to help me. HELP!
I don't know what it means to wait and to be patient but I am learning.
Am I feeling longing inside because my hope has moved from the Lord to this desire in my heart? UNLESS MY HOPE IS IN THE LORD I CAN'T MAKE IT.
God, where is my hope? Please let it be in You. I will run into Your arms with all that I am. I can't see, I don't know, I'm so uncertain but I TRUST YOU. My heart is anxious HELP ME.
This unknown will eventually become a known. And it might be a No. Am I ok with that? Is my Daddy good to me? I want more than anything to say yes. The answer I am holding out for could be a No. Am I going to be hurt by that? Am I going to feel like God has failed me or hurt me? I want more than anything to say no.
Lord, my Lord, not my will but Yours be done. I know there is nothing you can't do. I know you are able.
One day I will know, and I will see. Right now I can only see a reflection of what will be.
Please give grace to my heart Lord. Please give me patience. Please HELP me to wait and wait with peace and steadfastness in my heart instead of anxiety. Because I really haven't learned to wait until I can wait peacefully.
Your love never fails, your truth is a rock. And I will stand on it all the days of my life. You know my only one heart's desire is You.
I don't like how my heart gets so excited so often and how much I live by my emotions. I'm trying so hard to walk by faith, not by sight, not by facts or feelings. I really am trying. I'm trying so hard to not go by my feelings. God, I know you are faithful. I know you have proved yourself to me time and time again. You never fail me. I NEED HELP. HELP ME, JESUS.
I will hang on to the truth that You are good. And that one day soon I will see and I will know. Please help me Daddy. I need You so much.
I can't do this without you. I can't do this day without you.
The Lord is good to those who wait for Him. I will be still. HELP ME. I can't be still unless you help me. It's not in me to wait and to be still and bear silence, unless You put it in me. You have to help me. HELP!
I don't know what it means to wait and to be patient but I am learning.
Am I feeling longing inside because my hope has moved from the Lord to this desire in my heart? UNLESS MY HOPE IS IN THE LORD I CAN'T MAKE IT.
God, where is my hope? Please let it be in You. I will run into Your arms with all that I am. I can't see, I don't know, I'm so uncertain but I TRUST YOU. My heart is anxious HELP ME.
This unknown will eventually become a known. And it might be a No. Am I ok with that? Is my Daddy good to me? I want more than anything to say yes. The answer I am holding out for could be a No. Am I going to be hurt by that? Am I going to feel like God has failed me or hurt me? I want more than anything to say no.
Lord, my Lord, not my will but Yours be done. I know there is nothing you can't do. I know you are able.
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Daydreaming.....
About the things I want later on:
1) I can't wait to have a home with NO TV in it!! (Or if there is a TV, there will be no cable, and it will not be on longer than 1 hour a day) Life is too short to spend so many hours in front of a screen watching someone else's story or getting information about things that don't matter so much. I'm too busy watching my own story unfold. (It's much more exciting)
2) I can't wait to get up in the morning and blast prophetic worship and songs of praise as I clean, cook, etc. Open up the windows and sing at the top of my lungs along with sounds of heaven
3) I can't wait to live simply, to go on walks in the beautiful outdoors, to see how much fun I can have without spending much money, to just enjoy what the Lord has freely given us
4) I can't wait to dance through my life holding Jesus' hand and see where we go together!
5) I can't wait to run where He says to go and find Him there. I can't wait to just always be ready to up and go, drop everything when He says go, I can't wait to live unsettled, live really lightly wherever I am, never get too comfortable or rooted in one place, but always leaving a little bit of my heart in every place I am, contending for every city, state or country I set foot on, and taking whole cities for the glory of God, because I'm just on a pilgrimage, because I'm a pioneer.
6) I can't wait to drive many miles praying and singing and worshiping the whole way to wherever I'm going
7) I can't wait to see so much of His heart in so many places in so many people and just EVERYWHERE
8) I can't wait to see what's up ahead! Such beautiful things!
1) I can't wait to have a home with NO TV in it!! (Or if there is a TV, there will be no cable, and it will not be on longer than 1 hour a day) Life is too short to spend so many hours in front of a screen watching someone else's story or getting information about things that don't matter so much. I'm too busy watching my own story unfold. (It's much more exciting)
2) I can't wait to get up in the morning and blast prophetic worship and songs of praise as I clean, cook, etc. Open up the windows and sing at the top of my lungs along with sounds of heaven
3) I can't wait to live simply, to go on walks in the beautiful outdoors, to see how much fun I can have without spending much money, to just enjoy what the Lord has freely given us
4) I can't wait to dance through my life holding Jesus' hand and see where we go together!
5) I can't wait to run where He says to go and find Him there. I can't wait to just always be ready to up and go, drop everything when He says go, I can't wait to live unsettled, live really lightly wherever I am, never get too comfortable or rooted in one place, but always leaving a little bit of my heart in every place I am, contending for every city, state or country I set foot on, and taking whole cities for the glory of God, because I'm just on a pilgrimage, because I'm a pioneer.
6) I can't wait to drive many miles praying and singing and worshiping the whole way to wherever I'm going
7) I can't wait to see so much of His heart in so many places in so many people and just EVERYWHERE
8) I can't wait to see what's up ahead! Such beautiful things!
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Difficult Week Full of Happiness!
Does that sound like an oxymoron? Well, it is, but its true!! Sometimes I just look at my life so messy and scattered and absolutely crazy and all I want to do is collapse on the floor in exhaustion. *HUGE SIGH*
Yesterday was a little rough and lonely until I once again turned all my thoughts to the Lord, which I happened to do at the tail end of my day.....oh, dear me, if I could just learn that it would all be better sooner if I could turn to Him as soon as I get these lonely feelings, but its a process. =]
And after contemplating/battling inside, flipping through My Utmost for His Highest, taking a walk at noon, another one at 2:30, and another one at 3, to try and clear my head, wishing I was in kansas city surrounded by my wonderful 2nd family, waiting for a phone call from my new workplace about coming in for training, singing and playing a bit on the piano, looking for recipes to try, taking ANOTHER little stroll outside,.... it finally got dark outside, and I was left to go into my bedroom and just .....cry. I haven't cried in who knows how long, so why not now? ;]
My brothers had their girlfriends and a little group of friends over for a nice little fire. I just wanted a little privacy, and someone to understand me. Plus, I had been crying, so I figured it might be best to keep my smeared and sweaty face from being seen by my brothers friends. I felt in between all my friends. Either they are all older and more mature, or younger and not able to relate to me. And then there's me, caught in the middle. "Who the heck can I talk to right now!!" GAHH.....
I finally went and flopped down in the chair to talk to my dad and mom who were enjoying their friday evening. "I'm just so sick of not knowing anything!" After letting all the little concerns and worries that were spinning around and around in my head come out of my mouth to my parents, I began to see how ridiculous I was making things.
I realized that.... *I was having one of my moments.* They never last too long. I'd be fine by morning. I'm familiar with my moments. I get my moments, and then I'm fine. They don't happen too often, but when they do, they are absolutely daunting. =] HOWEVER, they come and then they go. They are not at home in me. I already know there's no turning back, this is the life I have chosen, and yes it's going to be scary and daunting and full of risks, and full of TRUSTING, but it's what I signed up for.
So I went back to my room, sat down at the piano and wrote a song, based out of one of my absolute favorite Psalms, Psalm 145. It was quite fun, and I rather like it.
Then I received a phone call from the PERFECT person to call at JUST the right time, my beloved and beautiful Amanda from IHOP. I needed to hear her voice! It was her night off, and she was alone in her house. Ohhhh YES, the perfect someone to sympathyize with me! I had forgotten her when I was thinking who on earth can I talk to, thank you Lord! <3
He's working in me an eternal weight of glory, and one day I will see. He is peeling back little bits even now! Praise the Lord who is always faithful, to the END!
Yesterday was a little rough and lonely until I once again turned all my thoughts to the Lord, which I happened to do at the tail end of my day.....oh, dear me, if I could just learn that it would all be better sooner if I could turn to Him as soon as I get these lonely feelings, but its a process. =]
And after contemplating/battling inside, flipping through My Utmost for His Highest, taking a walk at noon, another one at 2:30, and another one at 3, to try and clear my head, wishing I was in kansas city surrounded by my wonderful 2nd family, waiting for a phone call from my new workplace about coming in for training, singing and playing a bit on the piano, looking for recipes to try, taking ANOTHER little stroll outside,.... it finally got dark outside, and I was left to go into my bedroom and just .....cry. I haven't cried in who knows how long, so why not now? ;]
My brothers had their girlfriends and a little group of friends over for a nice little fire. I just wanted a little privacy, and someone to understand me. Plus, I had been crying, so I figured it might be best to keep my smeared and sweaty face from being seen by my brothers friends. I felt in between all my friends. Either they are all older and more mature, or younger and not able to relate to me. And then there's me, caught in the middle. "Who the heck can I talk to right now!!" GAHH.....
I finally went and flopped down in the chair to talk to my dad and mom who were enjoying their friday evening. "I'm just so sick of not knowing anything!" After letting all the little concerns and worries that were spinning around and around in my head come out of my mouth to my parents, I began to see how ridiculous I was making things.
I realized that.... *I was having one of my moments.* They never last too long. I'd be fine by morning. I'm familiar with my moments. I get my moments, and then I'm fine. They don't happen too often, but when they do, they are absolutely daunting. =] HOWEVER, they come and then they go. They are not at home in me. I already know there's no turning back, this is the life I have chosen, and yes it's going to be scary and daunting and full of risks, and full of TRUSTING, but it's what I signed up for.
So I went back to my room, sat down at the piano and wrote a song, based out of one of my absolute favorite Psalms, Psalm 145. It was quite fun, and I rather like it.
Then I received a phone call from the PERFECT person to call at JUST the right time, my beloved and beautiful Amanda from IHOP. I needed to hear her voice! It was her night off, and she was alone in her house. Ohhhh YES, the perfect someone to sympathyize with me! I had forgotten her when I was thinking who on earth can I talk to, thank you Lord! <3
He's working in me an eternal weight of glory, and one day I will see. He is peeling back little bits even now! Praise the Lord who is always faithful, to the END!
Sunday, October 24, 2010
*SIGH*
Wow.
This morning I drove down to Freedom for church because some of my IHOP people were there!! I got to hear Stuart Greaves and Shelly Hundley speak, and Justin Rizzo play. YES!! A precious taste of what I miss...my beloved ihop. *SIGH*
When I merged onto the freeway heading home, I don't know what came over me, but I just felt the most amazing joy bubbling up inside me and I started laughing SO hard. I know I looked like a complete dork to anyone and everyone driving next to me but really WHO EVEN CARES! HAHAHA!
Clay Edwards "Father's Lullaby" was playing.."No eye can understand, no mind can comprehend the things I have in store for you...and I'll wipe away your tears, I'll remove all your fears, I'll make all things new!!...." I was singing along with it and when it crescendos to the higher/louder part : "I'LL MAKE ALL THINGS- HAHAHAHAHA NEWWWW- HAHAHA- WWWWW............ " I didn't even get to the new part, I just started laughing!!
I could not for the life of me wipe the smile off my face --- the ENTIRE way home. Seriously. I tried to stop smiling but it didn't work. I really tried so hard but I could NOT even stop smiling! Before I left the church I was so excited for the drive home because I was gonna SING SING SIIING SING SING to my ipod the WHOLE way, well so much for that. I couldn't even sing because I was just smiling. You know how when you're singing you can't unless you have a straight face!! Wow...hahahaha :) :)
It was SUCH a beautiful day!! OHHHHH HOW I LOVE FLORIDA! Perfect sunshine and perfect blue skies! I must have been going almost 100 mph. I had to keep making sure I was at least pretty close to the speed limit. Then I'd forget, and look down and see I'm going 95--GAHH!
So I came home with the biggest smile on my face. Well then later on after I ate lunch and stuff, I started thinking a lot about all the longing in my heart, and felt myself starting to get a tiny bit anxious because here we are going into week 5 of still not knowing anything. I;ve been good so far, every day having to ask for GRACE to do this day, and for Him to lead me perfectly TODAY. The song "Mystery" by Charlie Hall has been part of what I have clung to since I got home from Missouri. "Sweet Jesus Christ my sanity, sweet Jesus Christ my clarity. Bread of heaven broken for me, cup of salvation held out to drink...."
But there have been my days when I absolutely wonder how on earth am I going to do this? And is He ever going to answer me? I started to feel my heart going that direction today. So I changed out of my dress into some gym shorts and hopped on a bike and off I went. I rode to the huge bicycle path on the edge of our neighborhood. And as I was riding I kept saying over and over in my heart "God you've got to come through for me. God you've got to be faithful. I know you are, but SHOW ME. You have to be faithful." And I thought to myself "Remember this day. Remember these days, remember what you're feeling right now. Remember the dialogue between you and the Lord. Remember the way your heart is feeling. Don't waste it and don't let go of it. Because tomorrow this day is going to feel like a dream." And I got SO much revelation:
I remembered back to September of last year, when I was on an airplane coming home from my second trip to IHOP. I had to go into work the very next morning. And as I was looking out the window of that plane I got this sinking feeling in my heart. I thought "I have to wait 6 more months? 6 MORE MONTHS, when my heart is in another place? How on earth am I going to do this? God, how am I going to do this? How am I going to walk into work every morning for 6 more months when my heart is thousands of miles away? I'm not sure if I can do this..." and I started crying. I looked over at my friend sitting next to me who was happily listening to her ipod and almost asleep. My throat hurt for the rest of the flight because I didn't want to cry right then.
I remember that day so well, and so many others like it. I remember God speaking to me SO clearly one day at work, as I was looking out the window of my classroom while the kids were busy at their centers. Once again I had just asked Him "How am I going to do this?" And I got a clear answer right then: "One day at a time."
After He told me that, I got this resolve in my heart. "OK. OK. One day at a time. I can do this. I really can. One day at a time." What that meant was don't look ahead, don't worry about tomorrow. Today is your assignment. Today, when you have to go to work, is all you need to worry about. Just take care of TODAY. Just love those kids with your whole heart."
And I was thinking about all of that as I rode along in the sunshine, and how crazy it is how that time is gone. Its totally gone and I'll never get it back. Now it's been over a year later, and I'm back home. I felt Him smiling at me. I kept riding along the path, and I looked up and saw the city's water tower ahead of me. I stopped riding and just stood there, looking at it and at the road next to me and the trees on the opposite side. "Wow. Here I am, Lord"
*HUGE SIGH*
All I know , is that Yahweh is Yahweh. He is Sovereign over all, over me and my tiny little life, and He is faithful to my heart always.
Just another day.....here I go again <3
This morning I drove down to Freedom for church because some of my IHOP people were there!! I got to hear Stuart Greaves and Shelly Hundley speak, and Justin Rizzo play. YES!! A precious taste of what I miss...my beloved ihop. *SIGH*
When I merged onto the freeway heading home, I don't know what came over me, but I just felt the most amazing joy bubbling up inside me and I started laughing SO hard. I know I looked like a complete dork to anyone and everyone driving next to me but really WHO EVEN CARES! HAHAHA!
Clay Edwards "Father's Lullaby" was playing.."No eye can understand, no mind can comprehend the things I have in store for you...and I'll wipe away your tears, I'll remove all your fears, I'll make all things new!!...." I was singing along with it and when it crescendos to the higher/louder part : "I'LL MAKE ALL THINGS- HAHAHAHAHA NEWWWW- HAHAHA- WWWWW............ " I didn't even get to the new part, I just started laughing!!
I could not for the life of me wipe the smile off my face --- the ENTIRE way home. Seriously. I tried to stop smiling but it didn't work. I really tried so hard but I could NOT even stop smiling! Before I left the church I was so excited for the drive home because I was gonna SING SING SIIING SING SING to my ipod the WHOLE way, well so much for that. I couldn't even sing because I was just smiling. You know how when you're singing you can't unless you have a straight face!! Wow...hahahaha :) :)
It was SUCH a beautiful day!! OHHHHH HOW I LOVE FLORIDA! Perfect sunshine and perfect blue skies! I must have been going almost 100 mph. I had to keep making sure I was at least pretty close to the speed limit. Then I'd forget, and look down and see I'm going 95--GAHH!
So I came home with the biggest smile on my face. Well then later on after I ate lunch and stuff, I started thinking a lot about all the longing in my heart, and felt myself starting to get a tiny bit anxious because here we are going into week 5 of still not knowing anything. I;ve been good so far, every day having to ask for GRACE to do this day, and for Him to lead me perfectly TODAY. The song "Mystery" by Charlie Hall has been part of what I have clung to since I got home from Missouri. "Sweet Jesus Christ my sanity, sweet Jesus Christ my clarity. Bread of heaven broken for me, cup of salvation held out to drink...."
But there have been my days when I absolutely wonder how on earth am I going to do this? And is He ever going to answer me? I started to feel my heart going that direction today. So I changed out of my dress into some gym shorts and hopped on a bike and off I went. I rode to the huge bicycle path on the edge of our neighborhood. And as I was riding I kept saying over and over in my heart "God you've got to come through for me. God you've got to be faithful. I know you are, but SHOW ME. You have to be faithful." And I thought to myself "Remember this day. Remember these days, remember what you're feeling right now. Remember the dialogue between you and the Lord. Remember the way your heart is feeling. Don't waste it and don't let go of it. Because tomorrow this day is going to feel like a dream." And I got SO much revelation:
I remembered back to September of last year, when I was on an airplane coming home from my second trip to IHOP. I had to go into work the very next morning. And as I was looking out the window of that plane I got this sinking feeling in my heart. I thought "I have to wait 6 more months? 6 MORE MONTHS, when my heart is in another place? How on earth am I going to do this? God, how am I going to do this? How am I going to walk into work every morning for 6 more months when my heart is thousands of miles away? I'm not sure if I can do this..." and I started crying. I looked over at my friend sitting next to me who was happily listening to her ipod and almost asleep. My throat hurt for the rest of the flight because I didn't want to cry right then.
I remember that day so well, and so many others like it. I remember God speaking to me SO clearly one day at work, as I was looking out the window of my classroom while the kids were busy at their centers. Once again I had just asked Him "How am I going to do this?" And I got a clear answer right then: "One day at a time."
After He told me that, I got this resolve in my heart. "OK. OK. One day at a time. I can do this. I really can. One day at a time." What that meant was don't look ahead, don't worry about tomorrow. Today is your assignment. Today, when you have to go to work, is all you need to worry about. Just take care of TODAY. Just love those kids with your whole heart."
And I was thinking about all of that as I rode along in the sunshine, and how crazy it is how that time is gone. Its totally gone and I'll never get it back. Now it's been over a year later, and I'm back home. I felt Him smiling at me. I kept riding along the path, and I looked up and saw the city's water tower ahead of me. I stopped riding and just stood there, looking at it and at the road next to me and the trees on the opposite side. "Wow. Here I am, Lord"
*HUGE SIGH*
All I know , is that Yahweh is Yahweh. He is Sovereign over all, over me and my tiny little life, and He is faithful to my heart always.
Just another day.....here I go again <3
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