He wants me just as I am. Right now in this place, the place that I'm thinking I've just got to get out of so God will be happy with me. No. I've missed the point. NOTHING I EVER DO IS GOING TO EARN ME HIS LOVE. That's the whole point of the cross. DUHHH.....
Today in a bookstore I picked up a random book, and opened to the introduction (I never read the introductions) and skimmed just a little and read something like this:
Someone asked someone to hold out their hands and try to grab onto some water that was poured out. Needless to say it absolutely didn't work. Then they asked the same person to simply cup their hands and hold them out, and catch the water that was poured. And ....it worked. There was water in their hands. What's the point of that?
...The point is I have to stop trying to grab onto His love for me and just RECEIVE IT. I'm never going to get it if I keep fumbling around trying to latch onto it. It's when I stop trying and just open up and receive that I get it. That's where I don't miss the point. Nothing that I am doing or have done to this point has gotten me God's stamp of approval or His love or happiness towards me. It's really kind of obvious when I look at the facts....
I mean look at all the past examples we have. So many to choose from. How many screwed up people with screwed up lives has God used for incredibly amazing things? And how many perfect people who always have it together, who always know what they're doing and who have "arrived".....how many of those people have been used for incredible things? Hmm......
Take David for example. He walked with God, he worshiped, he lived life under God's protective hand, he was in love with God. He danced like a madman when the ark was brought to the temple. He shepherded the sheep under his care, he fought off bears and lions, etc. etc. etc. And what else? Oh that's right. He slept with a hot girl because he....couldn't resist temptation. And after that ended up becoming a great king and has never failed to have his family line on the throne (a promise God made to him).
Exactly what does this tell us? GOD WANTS IMPERFECTION. Why? BECAUSE IT LEADS TO ENTIRE, UTTER DEPENDANCE ON HIM. See, it all ties together. He is proven strong in our weakness, right? YES.
Does that mean I'm saying its ok to just go and screw up and lust after a hot girl so God will use it for His good and you will end up being used for amazing things? NO FREAKING WAY. Obedience is so much easier. But a lot of people think that we have to earn rights to be called a son or a daughter of God. If that's the case, then who can do it? It's impossible!
What I learned today, when I wasn't even looking for a lesson, when I wasn't studying the Bible, when I wasn't immersed in deep worship, when I was just living and breathing and, yes, Christmas shopping actually. (The point here is that God will take you anytime, anywhere, in any place you're at, in your humanity... :) ..But what I learned is that
1) I am never going to "arrive" (meaning I will ALWAYS have something that needs to be worked on, prefected, refined, etc. )
2) I have got to get my eyes off of ME and just let Him use me anyway, no matter how much I want to protest and tell Him "No, not yet! Just let me take care of this issue, just let me fix this imperfection, and then you can use me!" ....He wants me as I am, and He will use it. Yes, LIKE THAT.
3) I DONT HAVE TO TRY ANYMORE (wasn't that what I was supposed to know when I said "I want the cross" ??? Hello????? LOL......Thats the point of grace, thank you.
4) I have to stop grabbing onto His love for me and just receive it! I always think I don't want to receive it when He wants to love on me cause I'm not worthy of it yet, I'm not clean enough for Him to love me right now, I havent done enough yet, I havent been in my Bible yet today, I havent prayed at all today, so don't love me right now because I'm actually not even thinking about you and how I love you God, I'm thinking about myself and my plans and blahblahblahblahBLAHHHHH....When THE WHOLE POINT IS GRACE, it's for Him to love on me cause I really am the farthest thing from worth it!
5) ISN'T THAT GREAT! THAT MAKES ME SO HAPPY AND it totally releases me from any and all kind of weight.
Sometimes I just have to stop pushing His love away and just receive. And accept it. HE LOVES ME AND NOTHING IS GOING TO CHANGE THAT. ITS UNCHANGING. Even if I don't even WANT his love, He still loves me..there's no getting around it.
And on second thought, isn't it so much better when you receive His love?????
