of my winter vacation. Tomorrow's the last day. And then....back into everything full force. I'm in the home stretch here! Before I leave! I've been waiting sooo long for this and I couldnt be more excited. Two months left!
I've been kind of confused lately. About my life and things. But I know that He's got it all taken care of already. I just want His face. I just want to know Him. I want to see His glory. And I want it to be the central, driving force of everything I do and everything I am. Its so easy to slack. Like SO EASY. I always fall back into my "its all good" sliding along without a care in the world attitude. I can't deny that He has blessed me SO MUCH lately. OVERWHELMINGLY. I mean He has been SO AMAZINGLY GOOD to me in these past few months, all year actually. It's so tempting to wanna sit back and soak everything in and just enjoy everything, and that's okay there's nothing wrong with that, but I know I need to be intentional about my relationship with Him and take initiative sometimes.
GRRR .....I feel far from where I've been, but I feel strangely satisfied. Somehow I think it's alright. It's ok that I'm in a different place. He guides me through the seasons, some are better than others (to me) but ALL of them are ordained by Him and all of them are pointing to the same thing: intimacy with Him.
AHHHHHH my mind is so jumbled right now. This is so strangely choppy and raw, I dont know if I can even read it. It might just confuse me.
I need the light of His face to shine on me. IM NOTHING WITHOUT HIM. And I don't ever want to be nothing. So I cant ever be without Him.
He knows everything. He knows the best thing for me. And its' all for His glory. Its all so that His glory will be released in the earth. Every time I try to plan out my life or think about the future and try to scrounge up some sort of map or something, or make something work out that I think is the right thing, IT NEVER WORKS. It just doesn't work my way. He always has something different. And I always end up liking it better. I really do. Never ever thought I would say that, but I always end up liking His will better than my own, even if sometimes it is the LAST THING I wanted Him to do. Or the thing I was most afraid of, or trying to get Him NOT to do. "NO GOD! ANYTHING BUT THIS! I CAN TAKE ANYTHING BUT THIS! JUST DON'T MESS WITH THIS AND I'LL BE FINE!" .......But its' always Him who knows what I can really take. I thought I couldn't take it, wouldn't be able to stand it, and it happened. And I did take it. And I'm alright. WOW, MIRACULOUSLY, I AM ALRIGHT.
HE ALWAYS KNOWS BEST! I just can't get over that. He always does His will and it turns out way more than I ever expected. He always ruins my plans, and hurts me, all so that He can make everything better than I ever thought. I just love the way He works.....
