I want a Heart that is Alive

I won't despise in my life that which makes me lean upon Christ. For His strength is perfected in my weakness. I say yes. I'd rather have the fire now and come out with a heart of gold. At the end of my life the question will be, did I learn to love? Was His likeness formed in me? Let there be no resistance in me towards Your plan and Your hands. You do everything it takes to keep me dependent, to keep Your strength manifesting through my weakness. What does the Potter see in the clay that He molds it and forms it this way? What's in His eyes that He does not despise this lump though it is yet unmade? Round and round the Potter's wheel goes. The right amount of pressure He knows to make me a vessel of honor to showcase His glory, to leak His beauty. Caught a glimpse of Your beauty, Jesus. Tasted a love that surpasses all of life's pleasures. Light is dancing all around You. Light is dancing all within You. I see how You carried Your reward inside You. I see the smile dancing behind your eyes. Could that smile that's in your eyes, be in mine all the days of my life? Your delight is in the fear of the Lord, in living before Your Father's eyes, your Father's heart. There's no shadow of turning, no compromise. Could I carry my reward on the inside? Jesus, You stand as a witness of what the Father will do with a life poured out. It looked as though You had labored in vain. But now you are seated at the highest place. Could I carry my reward on the inside? Could I have that life behind my eyes? That joy that is incorruptible and surpasses understanding.

Longing

This season is unlike any other season in my life. I won't go into a lot of detail, but I am yearning for romance like never before. Living life with a longing heart is hard and there have been a lot of days when I just feel like collapsing on the floor out of emotional exhaustion and even hurt. I've been sowing a lot of tears. Which is good news, because... "Those who sow in tears will reap in laughter. Those who go out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with them." Psalm 126

But this has forced me to go farther. I have drawn near to the Lord like never before because of this. God has pulled my heart and drawn me in with loving kindness.

"Pull me a little closer, take me a little deeper, I want to know Your heart. Your love is so much sweeter than anything I've tasted. I want to know Your heart....."

"I need a hug on the inside. I need your voice in my mind. I need a touch where fingers can't go. I feel Your breath when I'm still now. I feel Your warmth when You come down. I'll trade the world for what You can do."

This is the cup of suffering and joy mingled together. It is so bittersweet. I know that I am being transformed into the likeness of Jesus Christ. So I press on. <3