God comes when you least expect it

Like the sunrise over a mountain range, His glory breaks forth and all you can do is sit and take it in. He comes when you least expect it!!

A normal saturday with relaxing and having fun on my mind. A shopping trip with a friend. Just doing what lots of girls would do on a weekend. Then, driving home that night, I turn to my friend who is searching for a song to play on my ipod and I say "play my night drive worship mix" She turns it on and immediately I am taken back to my roots, past all the busyness of the moment, past all the craziness and little distractions of my young adult life, and I am immediately swept up into His presence. I WASN'T EVEN EXPECTING THAT. I would listen to this stuff all the time, and wouldn't really feel much, but would still worship. This time without even knowing what would happen I did the same thing as I always do, expecting the same thing to happen, to just worship with my heart and not feel God. BUT THIS TIME HE BROKE IN OVER ME! He came to me, like a sudden sunrise, in the middle of the dark night it just breaks in like a light and shines on everything in its path.

THAT WAS WHEN I LEAST EXPECTED HIM TO COME! A shopping trip? One of the most girly things to do with your weekend? The whole day eyeing lots of guys and them eyeing you, shopping for cute clothes, eating at nice restaurants? I say all this to point out how NOT ready and prepared I was for the Spirit to fall. This hardly seems like the place God would come in the midst of, right??

Wrong. He WANTS to break down every barrier and every wall that stands in the way of His presence falling on the hearts of men. And He will do it. Not to say any of this was bad, I was just going about my life as I normally would. I had been praying for more of God, I had been asking for His presence, I had been doing a lot to warrant this fresh move. What I was missing was His actual move to my heart. I was waiting for it. I was waiting for Him to initiate something, so that I could respond to Him. So that my heart could respond to His, so that I would begin to draw toward Him and He would draw near to me. I had yearned to draw near to the Lord, having certain unexpected times my heart would just long and I would cry to the Lord for hours. I would long to be with the Lord and ask for His presence. But then life would call my name. My alarm would go off. I would get up and go about my day like normal, hanging onto the hope that someday soon I would see Him. When I could stop being so busy or something. When I could leave for missouri in march, when I wouldn't have a job to take me away from Him.

I always felt that I could love Him more if I just could sit at His feet all day long and all into the night. I felt that I wasn't loving Him strong enough, that I could do better. That if only I just didn't have to work. If only I didn't have this job that take up so much of my time. That I could just love him. "ALL I WANT TO DO IS BE WITH GOD AND I CAN'T! I HAVE TO WAKE UP AND GO TO WORK WHEN ALL I WANT IS TO LOVE GOD TODAY!" I would get so frustrated.

And then He broke down all the barriers. He came to me. He told me He loves my purity and he sees my heart, and he knows the longing I have for him. And that same night when He awakened me, I got a picture of what was happening. We were almost home, driving down park avenue, and I looked up into the sky, and then I noticed a street light. It was off. And as soon as I looked at it, it started to flicker until it came on. It looked to me as if it had been asleep, so to speak, and then, just like that, it wakes up. It lights up again. It comes back to life. And God told me that's what He was doing to me.

Then sunday night after church, I was on my way home, and I pulled up to a stop sign and just immediately started pouring out my heart to him, like I couldn't even stop it, it just welled up and finally had to surface. I just relayed everything to Him. And after I was done, He came again. His presence filled my heart. I went home and He was still resting on me. He put on my heart to fast 3 days, eating only fruits & vegetables. He said this would empty me so that I would be an open and receptive vessel to hold His glory.

My mind is blank......

What to say????

What did God show me yesterday?

That He will continue to pull and tug on my heart until he has it all. He won't relent until he has all of me.

You know a few days ago I got really mad. I told God "Well, if you really wanted me as much as you say you do, then you would be pursuing me and coming after me. Obviously you don't want me that much, because you're not even pursuing me at all."

And you know what He said? The exact same thing to me. "Obviously you don't want me as much as you say you do, because you're not pursuing me at all, you're not coming after me."

I was totally floored. I was looking in the mirror putting on makeup when this was going on. And when God said that I stopped and put the brush down and just stared at myself in the mirror speechless. IT REALLY IS ....A RELATIONSHIP REQUIRES TWO PEOPLE, NOT ONE. If a relationship consists of one person doing everything, its not a relationship.

I was driving around when the sun was going down and the sky was orangey-pink and purple, and then it got dark and the moon came out, and I went to the river, and it was so sparkly on the water. It was so gorgeous. And while I was sitting on the dock this cool breeze was blowing on my face and through my hair and He reminded me of how indescribable and uncomparable he is. And my heart started breaking because of every time I choose something less than....when I could have HIM...