I just passed a homeless man on my walk. I looked him in the eyes. He didn't look back, he was looking at the ground. In his eyes I saw a lot of pain and suffering.
I just think about his life. When he was a kid and a teenager, he never once thought "One day I'm going to be homeless." NEVER! I wonder how he grew up, what his childhood and youth was like. I wonder what kind of dreams he had. What he wanted to be when he grew up.
He's probably had a wife and maybe some kids. What happened to them? What happened in his life that led to homelessness?
The body of Christ is supposed to take care of him.
No one is supposed to be wandering around every day from place to place trying to find their next place to sleep or their next meal. THAT IS INJUSTICE.
And then I thought of how those are the people Jesus wants sitting at the front of his table with him at the wedding feast. He wants them to eat all they can hold of the abundant food and he wants to talk and laugh with them and hear their stories and tell them a story- and call them out of where they've been into that story, into a new life.
We are supposed to do more than look them in the eyes. We are supposed to do more than smile at them or say hi to them. We are supposed to do more than give them a little food or money.
We are supposed to LOVE them. We're supposed to be their friend.
Jesus doesn't want merely our hands, our resources, our posessions, our food/money/clothes. All of that is good, but he wants our HEART. "...And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, but have not love, it profits me nothing." (1 Corinthians 13:3
If our heart is not in it- if we're just tossing a few dollars their way because we'll feel guilty if we don't, then we don't really have love. If we're just giving them some food or buying them a meal because we feel sorry for them, then we don't really have love. Compassion is a wonderful thing. But compassion and love are two different things.
Compassion is an OUTFLOW of love. If you don't really have love, your compassion is just pity.
From the place of love, we are to lead them to Jesus and to salvation. This is the end-goal of all reaching out. Souls will be saved. Lost ones will come into the Kingdom as sons and daughters.
And broken, lost, oppressed, hurting, suffering, abandoned, fatherless, hungry, needy, dying people will take their place at the table for the wedding feast. They will know the sacrifice of Jesus that enables them to know the Father's love.
"Come, all you who are thirsty,
come to the waters;
and you who have no money,
come, buy and eat!
Come, buy wine and milk
without money and without cost.
Why spend money on what is not bread,
and your labor on what does not satisfy?
Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good,
and you will delight in the richest of fare.
Give ear and come to me;
listen, that you may live.
I will make an everlasting covenant with you,
my faithful love promised to David."
Isaiah 55:1-3
Jesus paid for the ones that the world doesn't even take a second look at - the ones who are overlooked and even despised and oppressed.
Friday, December 16, 2011
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Just getting my thoughts out
I'm working a new job. With a lot of hours. I like it, and I get a lot of work done, and I enjoy it because when I work I feel like I am actually WORKING and not sitting around all day. At my job it's hard to get bored. Which is EXTREMELY good for me. Anyway, so I'm cleaning houses all over Florida. There's a lot of driving involved, but I don't mind it. I also like this job because it's not the same setting every day. I get to work in different surroundings every day, there's new houses. So I like that about it.
Other than that, I am just trying to enjoy my family and relax and rest during these holiday months toward the end of the year, after all the traveling and crazy adventures I have had this year. I want to just enjoy these months before I move out at the end of the year. I am moving to Kansas City, back to the International House of Prayer. I LOVE the midwest, I think it is BEAUTIFUL, and the perfect setting for the next phase of my life. God has put so many desires in my heart and I am actually surprised, because I never would have thought this would be what I wanted a few years ago. But He has done so much work on me and aligned my heart to His, and so my heart's desires are the same as His. So I can't wait to be in the midwest :)
I am still pretty uncertain about my future, but now I have a lot of peace. I have days when it gets overwhelming and I just want to know something. But then I am reminded that I DO know something. I know Who I belong to , and I know He is always with me, and He is my Shepherd. He has never failed me, and He has never been unfaithful to my heart.
Right now I am at a place in life where I just can't wait for someone to know me, to know my heart. I feel like for 5 years I have had so much going on in my heart and my Father has done so much work on me and I have had so much intimacy with just Him. And He has been really, my only outlet for all of the fullness in my heart, with a few exceptions. But now I am so, so ready for an exchangeof 2 hearts that have been feeling the same things for a long time. I'm so ready to know and be known and to share. I'm so ready for connection and intimacy. And it is so hard to wait on that, when I don't know when it will happen.
But I am just going to keep letting my Shepherd lead me. I am going after what He has put in my heart. I am running after Him, and I'm just going to keep my eyes on Him. If I look to Him, and wait on Him, I will not be ashamed. There is so much joy He has in store for me. I KNOW. And I will not be disappointed. I am going to watch with wide eyes, amazed and joyful at His plans for me. I trust my Father completeley.
Other than that, I am just trying to enjoy my family and relax and rest during these holiday months toward the end of the year, after all the traveling and crazy adventures I have had this year. I want to just enjoy these months before I move out at the end of the year. I am moving to Kansas City, back to the International House of Prayer. I LOVE the midwest, I think it is BEAUTIFUL, and the perfect setting for the next phase of my life. God has put so many desires in my heart and I am actually surprised, because I never would have thought this would be what I wanted a few years ago. But He has done so much work on me and aligned my heart to His, and so my heart's desires are the same as His. So I can't wait to be in the midwest :)
I am still pretty uncertain about my future, but now I have a lot of peace. I have days when it gets overwhelming and I just want to know something. But then I am reminded that I DO know something. I know Who I belong to , and I know He is always with me, and He is my Shepherd. He has never failed me, and He has never been unfaithful to my heart.
Right now I am at a place in life where I just can't wait for someone to know me, to know my heart. I feel like for 5 years I have had so much going on in my heart and my Father has done so much work on me and I have had so much intimacy with just Him. And He has been really, my only outlet for all of the fullness in my heart, with a few exceptions. But now I am so, so ready for an exchangeof 2 hearts that have been feeling the same things for a long time. I'm so ready to know and be known and to share. I'm so ready for connection and intimacy. And it is so hard to wait on that, when I don't know when it will happen.
But I am just going to keep letting my Shepherd lead me. I am going after what He has put in my heart. I am running after Him, and I'm just going to keep my eyes on Him. If I look to Him, and wait on Him, I will not be ashamed. There is so much joy He has in store for me. I KNOW. And I will not be disappointed. I am going to watch with wide eyes, amazed and joyful at His plans for me. I trust my Father completeley.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
I Love Jesus
I've been thinking about the Kingdom. How I've been walking hand in hand with Jesus for 5 almost 6 years. And I've been finding out some interesting things. I find that no matter where I go, my heart and longings remain the same. No place I can go on this earth will make my heart stop longing for His return, to see the wrong things made right, to see justice rain down, to see the earth filled with His glory as the waters cover the sea. No place I go will take away the hunger inside of me. No matter where I am, it's always the same. Jesus has to come back.
I also find that it doesn't matter what ministry I am a part of. I don't care. I never wanted to be a missionary. I never wanted to be an advocate for the children who are sex-trafficked, I never wanted to be a voice for the 50,000,000+ babies who are aborted, I never wanted to be a youth leader. I never wanted to be a worship leader. I just love Jesus! It all comes naturally from that.
I don't care what my title is. And I don't care if I am at IHOP, or The Ramp, or Morning Star, or Bethel, or Iris, or a Place for the Heart. I don't care who I am associated with! I JUST LOVE JESUS! It doesn't matter what ministry I am with. I want to sit and talk with a homeless man and when he asks me "So what church are you with" I want to say "I just love Jesus! I'm not with any church, I'm just a person who loves Jesus" This doesn't mean that I want to be independant and not in a family/community of people, or part of a church, but I just want the world to know that it's not about that. It's about Jesus, and I want the lost to see LOVE, not a church,Not a ministry, not any of that. I want the world to see Jesus.
I am all about the Kingdom. I am all about Awakening. I am all about BEING REAL!!!! This is my heart. I don't want to start a ministry, with a title, with a website or anything like that. I don't care if that ever happens. I just want the world to know Jesus. I don't want to be labeled. I want the world to see WHO JESUS IS. It's not about ME or my church or my ministry or anything. IT'S NOT ABOUT THAT.
I will live the rest of my life, wherever I am, and just simply love people. And be real, and show them the Kingdom. And show them LOVE, and teach them how to walk the narrow way. And point them to Jesus. That will be my ministry. And it won't have to ever have a title. I won't call it anything. IT'S JUST THE KINGDOM!! IT'S HOW JESUS LIVED.
That, and I will live the rest of my life before His eyes. I don't care if I am ever on a stage or platform, or if I ever have a microphone in my hand, or a crowd in front of me. I am perfectly content to live before His eyes, on my knees in my bedroom. I don't care if anyone ever sees me. Not that I don't want anyone to see me, or that I just want to hide away forever. But if I am given a stage or not doesn't really matter to me. Whether I have a crowd watching me or not, doesn't really matter. I will be fine with it, and fine without it.
I also find that it doesn't matter what ministry I am a part of. I don't care. I never wanted to be a missionary. I never wanted to be an advocate for the children who are sex-trafficked, I never wanted to be a voice for the 50,000,000+ babies who are aborted, I never wanted to be a youth leader. I never wanted to be a worship leader. I just love Jesus! It all comes naturally from that.
I don't care what my title is. And I don't care if I am at IHOP, or The Ramp, or Morning Star, or Bethel, or Iris, or a Place for the Heart. I don't care who I am associated with! I JUST LOVE JESUS! It doesn't matter what ministry I am with. I want to sit and talk with a homeless man and when he asks me "So what church are you with" I want to say "I just love Jesus! I'm not with any church, I'm just a person who loves Jesus" This doesn't mean that I want to be independant and not in a family/community of people, or part of a church, but I just want the world to know that it's not about that. It's about Jesus, and I want the lost to see LOVE, not a church,Not a ministry, not any of that. I want the world to see Jesus.
I am all about the Kingdom. I am all about Awakening. I am all about BEING REAL!!!! This is my heart. I don't want to start a ministry, with a title, with a website or anything like that. I don't care if that ever happens. I just want the world to know Jesus. I don't want to be labeled. I want the world to see WHO JESUS IS. It's not about ME or my church or my ministry or anything. IT'S NOT ABOUT THAT.
I will live the rest of my life, wherever I am, and just simply love people. And be real, and show them the Kingdom. And show them LOVE, and teach them how to walk the narrow way. And point them to Jesus. That will be my ministry. And it won't have to ever have a title. I won't call it anything. IT'S JUST THE KINGDOM!! IT'S HOW JESUS LIVED.
That, and I will live the rest of my life before His eyes. I don't care if I am ever on a stage or platform, or if I ever have a microphone in my hand, or a crowd in front of me. I am perfectly content to live before His eyes, on my knees in my bedroom. I don't care if anyone ever sees me. Not that I don't want anyone to see me, or that I just want to hide away forever. But if I am given a stage or not doesn't really matter to me. Whether I have a crowd watching me or not, doesn't really matter. I will be fine with it, and fine without it.
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
I put my eyes on the Unchanging One
Everything is always changing. Growing up you have to get used to that. People will always come and go in and out of your life. People will always move away. Someone will always be graduating, getting married, having a baby, or dying. People will constantly come and go. Life is so crazy but in those times when it seems like everything is so chaotic and you can't even keep up with it all, God will carry you.
God is the only one who doesn't change. He isn't going anywhere. He will be the same God if you go across oceans to a distant land. He is unchanging and He will never fail. He is constant and He is a Rock. When everything is shaking around you, He will hold you steady, so you won't be moved. Cling to Him. When the world is spiraling out of control and everything is in complete chaos, God will not fail you. He never leaves and He's always there, wherever you go, you can't get away from Him.
Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,” even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.
Psalm 139:7-12
Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever.
Hebrews 13:8
I keep my eyes always on the LORD. With him at my right hand, I will not be shaken.
Psalm 16:8
God is the only one who doesn't change. He isn't going anywhere. He will be the same God if you go across oceans to a distant land. He is unchanging and He will never fail. He is constant and He is a Rock. When everything is shaking around you, He will hold you steady, so you won't be moved. Cling to Him. When the world is spiraling out of control and everything is in complete chaos, God will not fail you. He never leaves and He's always there, wherever you go, you can't get away from Him.
Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,” even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.
Psalm 139:7-12
Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever.
Hebrews 13:8
I keep my eyes always on the LORD. With him at my right hand, I will not be shaken.
Psalm 16:8
Thursday, August 25, 2011
I have the BEST Dad!!!!!!!
I am SO blessed. Jesus truly provides not only EVERYTHING we need, but also beautiful things to bless us. I am so blessed.
I prayed about coming back to Kansas City while I was in Africa this summer. God really taught me how to trust Him and how to keep hope alive and stay steadfast when everything changes. When I don't know what's going on or anything that is going to happen. He taught me how to have perfect peace in the midst of it all. I am so amazed and grateful for the lessons he taught me this summer. He is the best teacher in the world because as He teaches you, He walks through it WITH you. When God teaches His children, he actually does the lessons with them. Wow. Thank you God.
I had no idea how soon I would actually be back here! Not even a week after I got home from Africa God provided a way. Wow. He is so faithful to my heart.
I'm going back to Florida for a month or so to spend more time with my family and friends before I move. But right now the Lord has blessed me SO much with 2 weeks of rest and sweet prayer. I am staying with a friend and she has given me my own room with a really comfortable bed. I wake up around 3 pm and open my windows and watch every day as the sun goes down and paints the sky beautiful bright colors. I sing and worship, and the Lord and I go through my journal pages about my future husband. And then I go to the prayer room where for 8 hours all night I get to dance, sing and pray for the nations. I LOVE doing what makes me come alive. There's just something about the night time :) I have been going to the prayer room at around 10pm every night and staying until 6am. I love the nightwatch, it is the coolest thing ever. God does so much to me while I am in his presence. You can't be in his presence and not be changed.
Last night I was reading in Isaiah and my eyes happened to jump over the page at the chapter before, chapter 23. I love when God shows you some hidden treasure in his word that you never even saw before. It's Isaiah 23:17,18.
"At the end of seventy years, the LORD will deal with Tyre. She will return to her hire as a prostitute and will ply her trade with all the kingdoms on the face of the earth. YET HER PROFIT AND HER EARNINGS WILL BE SET APART FOR THE LORD; they will not be stored up or hoarded. HER PROFITS WILL GO TO THOSE WHO LIVE BEFORE THE LORD, FOR ABUNDANT FOOD AND FINE CLOTHES."
This told me so much about God's character and how good He is! This verse is saying that God is going to give the people who live their lives before Him in devotion and dedication GOOD THINGS!! He's going to take the wages from the prostitute and hand them out to His children so his children can have abundant food and fine clothes! ABUNDANCE!! HE'S SO GOOD! He always takes care of His
children. He gives abundance! Not only provision, but ABUNDANCE!
So here I am, in this haven of God's presence for 2 weeks.... :) It's been the perfect place for me to think on all He has done this summer, think about Africa, think about His faithfulness and how much I have grown. God has blessed me so much. He always takes care of me, and surprises me with His goodness. He is the best provider and the most wonderful Father and I am honored to call him my King. I am so honored I get to serve Him. I wouldn't have it any other way. :)
I prayed about coming back to Kansas City while I was in Africa this summer. God really taught me how to trust Him and how to keep hope alive and stay steadfast when everything changes. When I don't know what's going on or anything that is going to happen. He taught me how to have perfect peace in the midst of it all. I am so amazed and grateful for the lessons he taught me this summer. He is the best teacher in the world because as He teaches you, He walks through it WITH you. When God teaches His children, he actually does the lessons with them. Wow. Thank you God.
I had no idea how soon I would actually be back here! Not even a week after I got home from Africa God provided a way. Wow. He is so faithful to my heart.
I'm going back to Florida for a month or so to spend more time with my family and friends before I move. But right now the Lord has blessed me SO much with 2 weeks of rest and sweet prayer. I am staying with a friend and she has given me my own room with a really comfortable bed. I wake up around 3 pm and open my windows and watch every day as the sun goes down and paints the sky beautiful bright colors. I sing and worship, and the Lord and I go through my journal pages about my future husband. And then I go to the prayer room where for 8 hours all night I get to dance, sing and pray for the nations. I LOVE doing what makes me come alive. There's just something about the night time :) I have been going to the prayer room at around 10pm every night and staying until 6am. I love the nightwatch, it is the coolest thing ever. God does so much to me while I am in his presence. You can't be in his presence and not be changed.
Last night I was reading in Isaiah and my eyes happened to jump over the page at the chapter before, chapter 23. I love when God shows you some hidden treasure in his word that you never even saw before. It's Isaiah 23:17,18.
"At the end of seventy years, the LORD will deal with Tyre. She will return to her hire as a prostitute and will ply her trade with all the kingdoms on the face of the earth. YET HER PROFIT AND HER EARNINGS WILL BE SET APART FOR THE LORD; they will not be stored up or hoarded. HER PROFITS WILL GO TO THOSE WHO LIVE BEFORE THE LORD, FOR ABUNDANT FOOD AND FINE CLOTHES."
This told me so much about God's character and how good He is! This verse is saying that God is going to give the people who live their lives before Him in devotion and dedication GOOD THINGS!! He's going to take the wages from the prostitute and hand them out to His children so his children can have abundant food and fine clothes! ABUNDANCE!! HE'S SO GOOD! He always takes care of His
children. He gives abundance! Not only provision, but ABUNDANCE!
So here I am, in this haven of God's presence for 2 weeks.... :) It's been the perfect place for me to think on all He has done this summer, think about Africa, think about His faithfulness and how much I have grown. God has blessed me so much. He always takes care of me, and surprises me with His goodness. He is the best provider and the most wonderful Father and I am honored to call him my King. I am so honored I get to serve Him. I wouldn't have it any other way. :)
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Here We Go.....
I love Florida.
It's so beautiful here!
I can be at the nearest beach in 20 minutes.
I can take my dog for a walk in a park where on my left and right side are perfect views of a harbor and boats, in front of me is the huge river and tall bridge and behind is the cute little part of downtown I love.
I can go in the morning to Sunrise Bakery, climb the stairs to the second floor and sip on a smoothie while munching on my favorite bagel and looking at an adorable view of the little shops surrounding it.
My whole childhood has been lived out here. This has been the perfect setting.
I have memories that will never leave my mind and will always be a reminder of His grace on my life:
Like runnning around in the field at our old house with all our neighborhood friends without a care in the world until it got dark outside.
Getting ready for school in the morning while talking on walkie talkies with my best friend Samantha who lived 5 houses down the street from me, and having slumber parties on the weekends.
A few years later......the day I knew I got my first real crush :) His name was Josh, and I was in 7th grade.
Taking ballroom dance lessons at age 17 in the adorable downtown studio, up on the second story. My favorite lesson actually wasn't a lesson at all..that night our instructor didn't show up, so my friend and I spent 2 and a half hours in a HUGE ballroom with our ipods, dimmed the lights and just went for it. Can you say piece of heaven!
DANCE TEAM!! With Revolution youth group. Those people became some of my very best friends and still are to this day. The best memories are all the traveling and dancing in churches, at conferences, at community events, anywhere you can imagine, and all the amazing overnight/weekend/week-or-2-long trips to places in FL, TN, AL, NC, everywhere. I will forever LOVE those wonderful days!
What a picture of the grace of God my childhood and youth has been.
Now here I am at 21, and I've been wrecked forever for His purposes. Spent 2 years teaching preschool after graduating high school. Then left and spent 6 months in Kansas City Missouri with some of the most amazing people I have ever met.
Now I'm back, in this beautiful place, LOVING the sky, the water, the little restaurants that only local people know about, MY FAMILY, and the amazing people I get to know here. Getting ready to get on another plane next month and leave again. This time it's a lot farther away from home. AFRICA. For 3 months.
I'm so scared to leave again when I know it's only a season and I just want a place and community where I can stay and call home. Florida has been wonderful and amazing, but the Lord is leading me elsewhere now. I don't like it when seasons end, but there's always another season coming.
So I step out in spite of my fears, and brace myself to fall right into His arms. He has called, and He is faithful. I don't know what's going to happen, but I never do. I've got to learn how to accept that. I'm never going to know where I'm going, or where He's going to call me/us next. But if we keep our eyes on Him it's OK. He's our security. He's our safety. We never go alone.
I am not going to Africa alone. By myself, yes. But He is with me. He's never going to leave me. I've got to learn to lean on Him and Him alone. People will come and go in my life. ALWAYS. Some day family members may die and leave me here. When I'm married, my husband won't always be with me, there will be times we are possibly seperated, in other parts of the world.
In this season He is teaching me to find my security in Him. ONLY Him.
God alone is the only one who isn't going anywhere. He is unchanging. Everything in life always changes, but He doesn't. He is the First and Last. He's constant and He is a ROCK. When I'm spinning He is my anchor. He is the only one that isn't leaving me. I cling to the LORD with all that I am, and step out, into the unknown, into His arms.
Sweet Jesus, stay close to me......
It's so beautiful here!
I can be at the nearest beach in 20 minutes.
I can take my dog for a walk in a park where on my left and right side are perfect views of a harbor and boats, in front of me is the huge river and tall bridge and behind is the cute little part of downtown I love.
I can go in the morning to Sunrise Bakery, climb the stairs to the second floor and sip on a smoothie while munching on my favorite bagel and looking at an adorable view of the little shops surrounding it.
My whole childhood has been lived out here. This has been the perfect setting.
I have memories that will never leave my mind and will always be a reminder of His grace on my life:
Like runnning around in the field at our old house with all our neighborhood friends without a care in the world until it got dark outside.
Getting ready for school in the morning while talking on walkie talkies with my best friend Samantha who lived 5 houses down the street from me, and having slumber parties on the weekends.
A few years later......the day I knew I got my first real crush :) His name was Josh, and I was in 7th grade.
Taking ballroom dance lessons at age 17 in the adorable downtown studio, up on the second story. My favorite lesson actually wasn't a lesson at all..that night our instructor didn't show up, so my friend and I spent 2 and a half hours in a HUGE ballroom with our ipods, dimmed the lights and just went for it. Can you say piece of heaven!
DANCE TEAM!! With Revolution youth group. Those people became some of my very best friends and still are to this day. The best memories are all the traveling and dancing in churches, at conferences, at community events, anywhere you can imagine, and all the amazing overnight/weekend/week-or-2-long trips to places in FL, TN, AL, NC, everywhere. I will forever LOVE those wonderful days!
What a picture of the grace of God my childhood and youth has been.
Now here I am at 21, and I've been wrecked forever for His purposes. Spent 2 years teaching preschool after graduating high school. Then left and spent 6 months in Kansas City Missouri with some of the most amazing people I have ever met.
Now I'm back, in this beautiful place, LOVING the sky, the water, the little restaurants that only local people know about, MY FAMILY, and the amazing people I get to know here. Getting ready to get on another plane next month and leave again. This time it's a lot farther away from home. AFRICA. For 3 months.
I'm so scared to leave again when I know it's only a season and I just want a place and community where I can stay and call home. Florida has been wonderful and amazing, but the Lord is leading me elsewhere now. I don't like it when seasons end, but there's always another season coming.
So I step out in spite of my fears, and brace myself to fall right into His arms. He has called, and He is faithful. I don't know what's going to happen, but I never do. I've got to learn how to accept that. I'm never going to know where I'm going, or where He's going to call me/us next. But if we keep our eyes on Him it's OK. He's our security. He's our safety. We never go alone.
I am not going to Africa alone. By myself, yes. But He is with me. He's never going to leave me. I've got to learn to lean on Him and Him alone. People will come and go in my life. ALWAYS. Some day family members may die and leave me here. When I'm married, my husband won't always be with me, there will be times we are possibly seperated, in other parts of the world.
In this season He is teaching me to find my security in Him. ONLY Him.
God alone is the only one who isn't going anywhere. He is unchanging. Everything in life always changes, but He doesn't. He is the First and Last. He's constant and He is a ROCK. When I'm spinning He is my anchor. He is the only one that isn't leaving me. I cling to the LORD with all that I am, and step out, into the unknown, into His arms.
Sweet Jesus, stay close to me......
Monday, March 28, 2011
My take on relationships
When I was 16 I wrote my first "future husband list".....and it had probably 20 things on it. Then I wrote another when I was 17, and it had a little less, but the same general things.
Here's a sampling: 1. Walking the narrow way 2. Fears the Lord 3. Walks out the first commandment 4. Will sit in a coffee shop and talk for hours (or anywhere for that matter) 5. Handsome 6. A leader/shepherd 7. Doesn't care about the world or the things of the world 8. Loves the outdoors 9. Will take me on crazy adventures 10. Plays guitar/piano/sings 11. Will laugh when I always ask for a kid's menu 12.Will dance around the house in a santa hat at Christmas time(aka Fun/funny) 13. Weeps for the orphans and widows ......etc. etc. etc.
As I got older over the years this list evolved, grew bigger and smaller... Now I'm almost 22 and I have a new list. :) Wanna read my new list? Here it is:
1. Loves Jesus with all of His heart, mind, soul and strength.
That's it. I'm not kidding!! When I meet a man who loves Jesus Christ with all of His heart, mind, soul and strength, then He's going to care about orphans. He's going to care about the poor. He's going to love and serve people. He's going to be a leader and a shepherd(naturally) because that's what Jesus was. He's gonna look like Jesus. If a man has this ONE quality. He will be basically everything else on my list. Jesus was full of life, and I KNOW He had fun. Jesus would have danced around at Christmas time with me. He would have laughed when I ask for a kids' menu.
You become what you behold. You are transformed into the One you love. If this man truly loves Jesus he will LOOK LIKE JESUS. And all of these things and qualities I'm looking for WILL BE THERE. You can't love Jesus and not love the poor. You can't love Jesus and not care about those who are suffering. You can't love Jesus and not have fun. You can't love Jesus and not have a sense of humor. You can't love Jesus and not have a beautiful heart. And I personally think/believe/know from experience that people who love Jesus are almost always GOOD LOOKING. I'm not just saying that. There's something in your eyes when you love Jesus that makes you so beautiful. The children of God are BEAUTIFUL. I have been around the world and seen those who truly love God and every one of them are BEAUTIFUL. No lie.
And also, the musical thing is definitely negotiable. He doesn't have to be that. I think I will be happy with or without it. :)
So now it will be super easy for me to spot this man. I only have to look for one thing :)
Here's a sampling: 1. Walking the narrow way 2. Fears the Lord 3. Walks out the first commandment 4. Will sit in a coffee shop and talk for hours (or anywhere for that matter) 5. Handsome 6. A leader/shepherd 7. Doesn't care about the world or the things of the world 8. Loves the outdoors 9. Will take me on crazy adventures 10. Plays guitar/piano/sings 11. Will laugh when I always ask for a kid's menu 12.Will dance around the house in a santa hat at Christmas time(aka Fun/funny) 13. Weeps for the orphans and widows ......etc. etc. etc.
As I got older over the years this list evolved, grew bigger and smaller... Now I'm almost 22 and I have a new list. :) Wanna read my new list? Here it is:
1. Loves Jesus with all of His heart, mind, soul and strength.
That's it. I'm not kidding!! When I meet a man who loves Jesus Christ with all of His heart, mind, soul and strength, then He's going to care about orphans. He's going to care about the poor. He's going to love and serve people. He's going to be a leader and a shepherd(naturally) because that's what Jesus was. He's gonna look like Jesus. If a man has this ONE quality. He will be basically everything else on my list. Jesus was full of life, and I KNOW He had fun. Jesus would have danced around at Christmas time with me. He would have laughed when I ask for a kids' menu.
You become what you behold. You are transformed into the One you love. If this man truly loves Jesus he will LOOK LIKE JESUS. And all of these things and qualities I'm looking for WILL BE THERE. You can't love Jesus and not love the poor. You can't love Jesus and not care about those who are suffering. You can't love Jesus and not have fun. You can't love Jesus and not have a sense of humor. You can't love Jesus and not have a beautiful heart. And I personally think/believe/know from experience that people who love Jesus are almost always GOOD LOOKING. I'm not just saying that. There's something in your eyes when you love Jesus that makes you so beautiful. The children of God are BEAUTIFUL. I have been around the world and seen those who truly love God and every one of them are BEAUTIFUL. No lie.
And also, the musical thing is definitely negotiable. He doesn't have to be that. I think I will be happy with or without it. :)
So now it will be super easy for me to spot this man. I only have to look for one thing :)
Thursday, March 17, 2011
It's Time to Take a Break From Worry
It is so exhausting. It makes me collapse on the floor and lay there feeling helpless. "Look up.." He says, but I never do.
I'm tired. I'm so tired that I can't handle any more anxiety. He gets me to the point where I'm so tired that I HAVE to run into His arms or I won't make it.
I always forget. I always fear. I always worry. I always get anxious. It's one of my biggest struggles. And I really hate it.
I have those days where I feel like I can't handle my longing anymore. My longing for family/community, for real genuine worship, for raw, pure abandoned LOVE, for my husband, for the young people I'm called to be a mother to. I have so much longing and no outlet for it. What am I supposed to do with it? I can't do anything about it, but offer it to the Lord. And for the past couple of weeks, I haven't been offering it to Him. So it's absolutely worn me out and wearied my heart.
When longing fills up my heart to the point it feels like it's going to burst, and I don't give it to the Lord, it makes me faint and lose heart.
My journal's scribblings on March 15----
I can't do it. I can't do this anymore. I'm so weak. I keep falling. I keep losing heart. I keep getting weighed down and discouraged. I'm so scared. I need help. I can't do this alone. I can't stand being alone. I can't stand uncertainty anymore. It's too scary. I can't handle not knowing anything. I'm so scared. I can't do this. I can't do this anymore, Lord. I can't.
And you know something, I'm done, I am SO done. It is SO time to let go of fear, doubt and worry and CLING to His hand. I'm ready to let go, Lord, be with me.....
...When I heard your voice, when you said my name, when I heard your voice my heart it yearned in the middle of the night.....though You're far away, still I'm here to say I'm Yours, I'm Yours.
....You'll find me in the night, hold me in the night, open up my eyes and the Son will rise......
I'm tired. I'm so tired that I can't handle any more anxiety. He gets me to the point where I'm so tired that I HAVE to run into His arms or I won't make it.
I always forget. I always fear. I always worry. I always get anxious. It's one of my biggest struggles. And I really hate it.
I have those days where I feel like I can't handle my longing anymore. My longing for family/community, for real genuine worship, for raw, pure abandoned LOVE, for my husband, for the young people I'm called to be a mother to. I have so much longing and no outlet for it. What am I supposed to do with it? I can't do anything about it, but offer it to the Lord. And for the past couple of weeks, I haven't been offering it to Him. So it's absolutely worn me out and wearied my heart.
When longing fills up my heart to the point it feels like it's going to burst, and I don't give it to the Lord, it makes me faint and lose heart.
My journal's scribblings on March 15----
I can't do it. I can't do this anymore. I'm so weak. I keep falling. I keep losing heart. I keep getting weighed down and discouraged. I'm so scared. I need help. I can't do this alone. I can't stand being alone. I can't stand uncertainty anymore. It's too scary. I can't handle not knowing anything. I'm so scared. I can't do this. I can't do this anymore, Lord. I can't.
And you know something, I'm done, I am SO done. It is SO time to let go of fear, doubt and worry and CLING to His hand. I'm ready to let go, Lord, be with me.....
...When I heard your voice, when you said my name, when I heard your voice my heart it yearned in the middle of the night.....though You're far away, still I'm here to say I'm Yours, I'm Yours.
....You'll find me in the night, hold me in the night, open up my eyes and the Son will rise......
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Fearless!
Today as I was walking thinking about all the crazy stuff going on, the raging of the nations and rumors of wars, how EVERYTHING is getting super expensive, and how daunting and scary the future looks, I started getting some revelation.
Jesus SAID all this would happen. He said that we were going to hear of wars and rumors of wars. He asked the Father not to take us out of the world but to protect us from it. He SAID don't let your heart be troubled and don't be afraid. See that you are not alarmed. See that you don't get weighed down and disheartened.
And it occured to me that the way I've been feeling about it - how I've been getting anxious - is the way the world feels. That's the world's response to it all. Fear, doubt and worry are what the world feels when facing the unknown, uncertain future.
As a discpile my response should be totally different. I should be steady, grounded, unmoveable and unshakeable. I should be strong. I should be full of peace. I should look at all the shaking going on around me and a have a steadfast joy growing in my heart. A peace that transcends understanding (it's unnatural because how can someone have peace when everything is spinning out of control - that's why it transcends understanding) And a hope that does NOT disappoint.
I fear the LORD. There are HUNDREDS if not THOUSANDS of promises for those who fear the LORD.
Promises that I can 100% bank on, stand on and stake my LIFE on.
Here are just a few of those promises:
He said He would take care of me.
He would never leave me.
Goodness and mercy would follow me.
I would be safe.
He would protect and hide me.
He would never let go of me.
WE ARE GOING TO BE OKAY.
WE WHO FEAR THE LORD ARE GOING TO BE TAKEN CARE OF, BLESSED, PROVIDED FOR AND PROTECTED.
Why should we fear? I want to be fearless.
When everything is shaking and spiraling out of control, I want to smile. Because I've got the LORD.
When I drive past the gas station and the sign says $5.00 a gallon, I want to sing.
When I hear of the unrest and conflict arising in the nations, I want to laugh.
My God is not weak, distant, powerless, apathetic, passive or lower than.
My God is the GREAT I AM, The God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, YAHWEH. The Holy One of Israel, JESUS CHRIST. The Risen Coming King.
His name I bear, and His mark I wear. So therefore I can sing in the face of fear and be absolutely FEARLESS.
Jesus SAID all this would happen. He said that we were going to hear of wars and rumors of wars. He asked the Father not to take us out of the world but to protect us from it. He SAID don't let your heart be troubled and don't be afraid. See that you are not alarmed. See that you don't get weighed down and disheartened.
And it occured to me that the way I've been feeling about it - how I've been getting anxious - is the way the world feels. That's the world's response to it all. Fear, doubt and worry are what the world feels when facing the unknown, uncertain future.
As a discpile my response should be totally different. I should be steady, grounded, unmoveable and unshakeable. I should be strong. I should be full of peace. I should look at all the shaking going on around me and a have a steadfast joy growing in my heart. A peace that transcends understanding (it's unnatural because how can someone have peace when everything is spinning out of control - that's why it transcends understanding) And a hope that does NOT disappoint.
I fear the LORD. There are HUNDREDS if not THOUSANDS of promises for those who fear the LORD.
Promises that I can 100% bank on, stand on and stake my LIFE on.
Here are just a few of those promises:
He said He would take care of me.
He would never leave me.
Goodness and mercy would follow me.
I would be safe.
He would protect and hide me.
He would never let go of me.
WE ARE GOING TO BE OKAY.
WE WHO FEAR THE LORD ARE GOING TO BE TAKEN CARE OF, BLESSED, PROVIDED FOR AND PROTECTED.
Why should we fear? I want to be fearless.
When everything is shaking and spiraling out of control, I want to smile. Because I've got the LORD.
When I drive past the gas station and the sign says $5.00 a gallon, I want to sing.
When I hear of the unrest and conflict arising in the nations, I want to laugh.
My God is not weak, distant, powerless, apathetic, passive or lower than.
My God is the GREAT I AM, The God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, YAHWEH. The Holy One of Israel, JESUS CHRIST. The Risen Coming King.
His name I bear, and His mark I wear. So therefore I can sing in the face of fear and be absolutely FEARLESS.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Love????
One day late, but this doesn't have much to do with Valentine's Day anyway :)
The year 2010 and so far 2011 I have been absolutely BLASTED by the Lord. What do I mean by blasted?? Have a listen here......
I mean my heart has been broken, mended, broken again, shattered, mended, expanded, expanded again, expanded to the point of bursting and is currently a HUGE, ENORMOUS mess that I really don't know what to do with.
I never thought that I could look at a person and feel what they are feeling by one look. (It sounds scary, It's not, it's called intercession)
Let me tell you, I seriously know the dreams of His heart for certain people, places, and even things, I know their potential, I LONG for their fullness, and all of this has been given to me as a gift. My Father has chosen to give me His heart. Why? Because I asked for it.
Love changes things. I am ONE person, in my early twenties, a GIRL, with no college education and no degree, not very qualified in the eyes of the world to make a huge difference in this earth. But you know what? I know who my God is. And I know His heart. And I'm starting to get His heart. And let me tell you something.....there is no telling the things that can happen when one single person who has been wrecked and forever changed by God's heart steps out with that love in their heart and lets God lead them places. With God, all things are possible. There is nothing He cannot do.
NO ONE IS TOO FAR GONE. His arm is not too short to save..... There is no one too deep in depression, no one too lost in an endless cycle of drugs, no one too hard-hearted and cruel, no one too taken captive by demonic philosophies, no one too broken by oppression or abuse, no child too abandoned, no man too far in bondage, no woman too deep in darkness, NO ONE TOO LOST FOR MY JESUS TO SAVE.
"Therefore He is able also to save to the uttermost (completely, perfectly, finally, and for all time and eternity) those who come to God through Him, since He is always living to make petition to God and intercede with Him and intervene for them." Hebrews 7:25
He is able to save TO THE UTTERMOST.
Why?
Because HE WENT to the uttermost.
The cross took Him to the farthest, deepest depth of darkness, and He overcame it. He already went there before us. He traveled the darkest road. He had to, because that's where some people go. And He did it, and now He sits at the right hand of His Father making intercession for us.
So back to love. If you let Him wreck you to the point of you just don't care anymore, IT WILL CHANGE EVERYTHING. Do you want to know love for real? Do you want your heart to be forever changed and not just changed, but RADICALLY turned UPSIDE-DOWN FOREVER,????? And then do you want to feel what God feels? Do you want Him to put His own heart in You? Do you want a heart-transplant?!!?!?!? If you say yes, then you can change the world whether or not you have money, or power, or influence, or authority, or a college-degree, or this or that certification, or ANY of that.!!!!
Sound fun? IT TOTALLY IS :)
The year 2010 and so far 2011 I have been absolutely BLASTED by the Lord. What do I mean by blasted?? Have a listen here......
I mean my heart has been broken, mended, broken again, shattered, mended, expanded, expanded again, expanded to the point of bursting and is currently a HUGE, ENORMOUS mess that I really don't know what to do with.
I never thought that I could look at a person and feel what they are feeling by one look. (It sounds scary, It's not, it's called intercession)
Let me tell you, I seriously know the dreams of His heart for certain people, places, and even things, I know their potential, I LONG for their fullness, and all of this has been given to me as a gift. My Father has chosen to give me His heart. Why? Because I asked for it.
Love changes things. I am ONE person, in my early twenties, a GIRL, with no college education and no degree, not very qualified in the eyes of the world to make a huge difference in this earth. But you know what? I know who my God is. And I know His heart. And I'm starting to get His heart. And let me tell you something.....there is no telling the things that can happen when one single person who has been wrecked and forever changed by God's heart steps out with that love in their heart and lets God lead them places. With God, all things are possible. There is nothing He cannot do.
NO ONE IS TOO FAR GONE. His arm is not too short to save..... There is no one too deep in depression, no one too lost in an endless cycle of drugs, no one too hard-hearted and cruel, no one too taken captive by demonic philosophies, no one too broken by oppression or abuse, no child too abandoned, no man too far in bondage, no woman too deep in darkness, NO ONE TOO LOST FOR MY JESUS TO SAVE.
"Therefore He is able also to save to the uttermost (completely, perfectly, finally, and for all time and eternity) those who come to God through Him, since He is always living to make petition to God and intercede with Him and intervene for them." Hebrews 7:25
He is able to save TO THE UTTERMOST.
Why?
Because HE WENT to the uttermost.
The cross took Him to the farthest, deepest depth of darkness, and He overcame it. He already went there before us. He traveled the darkest road. He had to, because that's where some people go. And He did it, and now He sits at the right hand of His Father making intercession for us.
So back to love. If you let Him wreck you to the point of you just don't care anymore, IT WILL CHANGE EVERYTHING. Do you want to know love for real? Do you want your heart to be forever changed and not just changed, but RADICALLY turned UPSIDE-DOWN FOREVER,????? And then do you want to feel what God feels? Do you want Him to put His own heart in You? Do you want a heart-transplant?!!?!?!? If you say yes, then you can change the world whether or not you have money, or power, or influence, or authority, or a college-degree, or this or that certification, or ANY of that.!!!!
Sound fun? IT TOTALLY IS :)
Friday, February 11, 2011
Justice
Is there hope for the 8 year old girl who has been sold into slavery and is kept locked in a brothel and forced to have sex with strangers every single day and night, because she will be beaten if she doesn't?
Is there hope for the middle-aged business man who works countless hours week after week, exhausted, pouring himself into his job, leaving no time left for his family as they slip away? This man who has been haunted lately by the question, "Where is this going?"
Is there hope for the young man ensnared at his computer screen for hours, who feels so dirty and can never escape the guilt of what he does, who longs to stop, but isn't strong enough?
Is there hope for the young woman who finds herself every night kneeling over the toilet because she is caught in a cycle of constant striving to be perfect, to look perfect, to be skinny?
Is there hope for the homeless man who begs for money so that he can get stoned or high just so he won't have to think about his hurt for a little while?
Is there hope for the mother who has longed to have a child but just miscarried for the 5th time?
Is there hope for the little boy who always hears his parents fighting, his daddy screaming, and is terrified to do or say the wrong thing for fear he might get hurt?
Is there hope for the woman that has longed for love all her life but only found pain in every relationship she has been in, whose heart can hardly feel anymore because of all the times it has been broken?
Is there hope for the young 20-something who longs to be a good husband and father to his wife a baby but is struggling to get by and barely making enough to afford rent?
Is there hope for the girl who has been lied to and sucked into a swarm of untruth by her college professors, who has been deceived by false philosiphies and doesn't know what to believe anymore?
Is there hope for the lonely 85-year old woman who lives in a nursing home all alone, whose husband, kids, friends and relatives have all already gone?
Is there hope for the 3 siblings living on the streets of India with no parents, no shoes and no money, who have to beg every day just to have something to keep them from starving to death?
Is there hope for the man with no legs and only one arm, who has lost his eyesight and is forced to beg on the streets, and will be doing that for the rest of his life?
Is there hope for the movie star in hollywood california who is sitting alone in a million-dollar home, drowning in her own riches, has everything she could possibly want yet feels so entirely and utterly lost, hopeless and desperate?
Is there hope for the family whose father was shot and killed by someone who was just simply angry at the world?
Is there hope for the young woman who had an abortion, who feels the pain and effect of it every day and feels she can never forgive herself?
Is there hope for the 18 year old who doesn't want to drink like his friends but feels he doesn't have any other options in order to survive in college?
Is God good? Is He loving? Does He care?
YES.
“For a long time I have kept silent,
I have been quiet and held myself back.
But now, like a woman in childbirth,
I cry out, I gasp and pant.
I will lay waste the mountains and hills
and dry up all their vegetation;
I will turn rivers into islands
and dry up the pools.
I will lead the blind by ways they have not known,
along unfamiliar paths I will guide them;
I will turn the darkness into light before them
and make the rough places smooth.
These are the things I will do;
I will not forsake them.
But those who trust in idols,
who say to images, ‘You are our gods,’
will be turned back in utter shame.
I am bringing my righteousness near,
it is not far away;
and my salvation will not be delayed.
I will grant salvation to Zion,
my splendor to Israel.
People of Zion, who live in Jerusalem, you will weep no more. How gracious he will be when you cry for help! As soon as he hears, he will answer you.
"Arise, LORD, in your anger;
rise up against the rage of my enemies.
Awake, my God; decree justice!"
And will not God bring about justice for his chosen ones, who cry out to him day and night? Will he keep putting them off? I tell you, he will see that they get justice, and quickly. However, when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on the earth?” Luke 18:7-8
Yet the LORD longs to be gracious to you;
therefore he will rise up to show you compassion.
For the LORD IS A GOD OF JUSTICE.
Blessed are all who wait for him!
Is there hope for the middle-aged business man who works countless hours week after week, exhausted, pouring himself into his job, leaving no time left for his family as they slip away? This man who has been haunted lately by the question, "Where is this going?"
Is there hope for the young man ensnared at his computer screen for hours, who feels so dirty and can never escape the guilt of what he does, who longs to stop, but isn't strong enough?
Is there hope for the young woman who finds herself every night kneeling over the toilet because she is caught in a cycle of constant striving to be perfect, to look perfect, to be skinny?
Is there hope for the homeless man who begs for money so that he can get stoned or high just so he won't have to think about his hurt for a little while?
Is there hope for the mother who has longed to have a child but just miscarried for the 5th time?
Is there hope for the little boy who always hears his parents fighting, his daddy screaming, and is terrified to do or say the wrong thing for fear he might get hurt?
Is there hope for the woman that has longed for love all her life but only found pain in every relationship she has been in, whose heart can hardly feel anymore because of all the times it has been broken?
Is there hope for the young 20-something who longs to be a good husband and father to his wife a baby but is struggling to get by and barely making enough to afford rent?
Is there hope for the girl who has been lied to and sucked into a swarm of untruth by her college professors, who has been deceived by false philosiphies and doesn't know what to believe anymore?
Is there hope for the lonely 85-year old woman who lives in a nursing home all alone, whose husband, kids, friends and relatives have all already gone?
Is there hope for the 3 siblings living on the streets of India with no parents, no shoes and no money, who have to beg every day just to have something to keep them from starving to death?
Is there hope for the man with no legs and only one arm, who has lost his eyesight and is forced to beg on the streets, and will be doing that for the rest of his life?
Is there hope for the movie star in hollywood california who is sitting alone in a million-dollar home, drowning in her own riches, has everything she could possibly want yet feels so entirely and utterly lost, hopeless and desperate?
Is there hope for the family whose father was shot and killed by someone who was just simply angry at the world?
Is there hope for the young woman who had an abortion, who feels the pain and effect of it every day and feels she can never forgive herself?
Is there hope for the 18 year old who doesn't want to drink like his friends but feels he doesn't have any other options in order to survive in college?
Is God good? Is He loving? Does He care?
YES.
“For a long time I have kept silent,
I have been quiet and held myself back.
But now, like a woman in childbirth,
I cry out, I gasp and pant.
I will lay waste the mountains and hills
and dry up all their vegetation;
I will turn rivers into islands
and dry up the pools.
I will lead the blind by ways they have not known,
along unfamiliar paths I will guide them;
I will turn the darkness into light before them
and make the rough places smooth.
These are the things I will do;
I will not forsake them.
But those who trust in idols,
who say to images, ‘You are our gods,’
will be turned back in utter shame.
I am bringing my righteousness near,
it is not far away;
and my salvation will not be delayed.
I will grant salvation to Zion,
my splendor to Israel.
People of Zion, who live in Jerusalem, you will weep no more. How gracious he will be when you cry for help! As soon as he hears, he will answer you.
"Arise, LORD, in your anger;
rise up against the rage of my enemies.
Awake, my God; decree justice!"
And will not God bring about justice for his chosen ones, who cry out to him day and night? Will he keep putting them off? I tell you, he will see that they get justice, and quickly. However, when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on the earth?” Luke 18:7-8
Yet the LORD longs to be gracious to you;
therefore he will rise up to show you compassion.
For the LORD IS A GOD OF JUSTICE.
Blessed are all who wait for him!
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Testimony from my Harvest School Application
My family life has been a picture of the hand of God and I thank Him every day for this blessing. My relationship with my father has made me confident, secure and has helped me establish my identity as a child knowing I was dearly loved. I look to him as an example of the kind of man I want to marry. My mother and I are very close and I talk to her about anything. I respect her very much and she amazes me with the way she loves and tirelessly gives. I have 4 brothers whom I love dearly and are very fun to live with.
My childhood and teenage years speak of God's grace. I went to public school from kindergarten to 6th grade. Then my parents followed the Lord's leading and decided to home-school me from 7th grade through high school. This time in my life was so precious. God used it to grow me and keep me in the secret place, and show me who He is. I grew more in these 6 years than I had ever before. I was free to discover who He has made me to be as all my passions came alive and I sought His face.
At 16 I traveled to North Carolina with my youth group to attend a gathering called The Ramp. One night during this gathering is a night I will never forget. It was the night of my awakening. Jesus called my name and invited me on the adventure of the lifetime, and marked me with His purity. I remember being surrounded by people in worship and I closed my eyes. I don't remember how long I had them closed, but when I opened them, all the people that were around me had moved around and left me in sort of my own space. God said "I cleared a space for you to dance with me." After He said that, I began to dance and finally ended up on the floor overwhelmed. The session had long ended but I was glued to the floor drowning in His love. I responded to His invitation to come away and after this experience I have never been the same. I have pledged my entire life to serve Him faithfully as my Master and Husband.
After Jesus encountered me His word came alive to me and all I wanted to do was pray in my room or in small groups with people and read the Bible. I gained so much knowledge and wisdom. I joined a dance team and began singing and writing songs.
It has been 5 years and I love Jesus more than anything, He is my life, strength, and my very breath. I am entirely His as long as I live. I know I'm called to be a pilgrim. He told me I don't need college for what I'm called to do. I'm embracing a life of adventure and unknown to venture wherever His heart leads me. No blueprints, no maps, no long-term plans. It's daunting but I wouldn't have it any other way. As long as my heart stays tender and alive I will live anywhere and do anything.
My childhood and teenage years speak of God's grace. I went to public school from kindergarten to 6th grade. Then my parents followed the Lord's leading and decided to home-school me from 7th grade through high school. This time in my life was so precious. God used it to grow me and keep me in the secret place, and show me who He is. I grew more in these 6 years than I had ever before. I was free to discover who He has made me to be as all my passions came alive and I sought His face.
At 16 I traveled to North Carolina with my youth group to attend a gathering called The Ramp. One night during this gathering is a night I will never forget. It was the night of my awakening. Jesus called my name and invited me on the adventure of the lifetime, and marked me with His purity. I remember being surrounded by people in worship and I closed my eyes. I don't remember how long I had them closed, but when I opened them, all the people that were around me had moved around and left me in sort of my own space. God said "I cleared a space for you to dance with me." After He said that, I began to dance and finally ended up on the floor overwhelmed. The session had long ended but I was glued to the floor drowning in His love. I responded to His invitation to come away and after this experience I have never been the same. I have pledged my entire life to serve Him faithfully as my Master and Husband.
After Jesus encountered me His word came alive to me and all I wanted to do was pray in my room or in small groups with people and read the Bible. I gained so much knowledge and wisdom. I joined a dance team and began singing and writing songs.
It has been 5 years and I love Jesus more than anything, He is my life, strength, and my very breath. I am entirely His as long as I live. I know I'm called to be a pilgrim. He told me I don't need college for what I'm called to do. I'm embracing a life of adventure and unknown to venture wherever His heart leads me. No blueprints, no maps, no long-term plans. It's daunting but I wouldn't have it any other way. As long as my heart stays tender and alive I will live anywhere and do anything.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Um yeah so I love when God does this!
God totally rocked my heart last night!! I've come to expect that, though. It's so fun!
Let's just say,
that MY DADDY LOVES ME SO MUCH. AND HE HAS AN AMAZING. MAN. FOR ME.
OH YEAHH!! =D
So I was talkin' to my Dad last night and He shifted the conversation onto somethin I really like to talk about. :) And told me all about my future husband. About what kind of man he is, what he's like, and how amazing he is. And even a little of what he is doing right now and what his heart looks like. Are you kidding me?! Thank you Jesus, that was so wonderful! He knew what I needed.
Let's just say,
that MY DADDY LOVES ME SO MUCH. AND HE HAS AN AMAZING. MAN. FOR ME.
OH YEAHH!! =D
So I was talkin' to my Dad last night and He shifted the conversation onto somethin I really like to talk about. :) And told me all about my future husband. About what kind of man he is, what he's like, and how amazing he is. And even a little of what he is doing right now and what his heart looks like. Are you kidding me?! Thank you Jesus, that was so wonderful! He knew what I needed.
:D :D :D :D :D :D :D
WHAT?! Craziness!
We're gonna be friends soon......oh my. ;)
WHAT?! Craziness!
We're gonna be friends soon......oh my. ;)
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
The Pilgrimage
"Blessed are those whose strength is in you, whose hearts are set on pilgrimage." Psalm 84:5
"And though with feet unsure, I still keep pressing on, for I am guided by the Faithful One."
"Pioneer, pioneer,
"And though with feet unsure, I still keep pressing on, for I am guided by the Faithful One."
"Pioneer, pioneer,
Keep pressing onward
Beyond your fears.
Only Your Father
Only Your Father
Goes before you
To your own frontier.
You're a pioneer.
Uncharted wilderness stretches before you
And you thrive on going where no one has gone.
Still it gets lonely when darkness rears
So sing by the fire until the dawn.
You travel light and you travel alone
And when you arrive nobody knows
But your father in heaven is glad you can go
Cause those who come after you will need the road
What you have done others will do
Bigger and better and faster than you
But you can't look back, you gotta keep pressing through
There's a wilderness pathway and its calling you."
I have said yes to the journey.
There's no place I would rather be.
You're a pioneer.
Uncharted wilderness stretches before you
And you thrive on going where no one has gone.
Still it gets lonely when darkness rears
So sing by the fire until the dawn.
You travel light and you travel alone
And when you arrive nobody knows
But your father in heaven is glad you can go
Cause those who come after you will need the road
What you have done others will do
Bigger and better and faster than you
But you can't look back, you gotta keep pressing through
There's a wilderness pathway and its calling you."
I have said yes to the journey.
There's no place I would rather be.
Friday, January 21, 2011
Patience
{It's my joy to love, it's my joy to obey! You can have all my heart, you can have all my praise. I will give you my life, I will run hard this race, reaching for the prize, I am yours and you are mine....I WILL RUN IN THE PATH OF YOUR COMMANDS, YOU WILL SURELY ENLARGE MY HEART, I WILL MAKE YOUR LAW DAILY MY DELIGHT. LET ME NOT WANDER FROM YOUR WAYS, LET IT BE MY DELIGHT TO OBEY, THERE IS NO GREATER JOY THAN KNOWING YOUR NAME.}
I wept for an hour and a half, in the back of the prayer room facing the wall on my knees to this song last week. All I could do was offer Him my heart. All I was able to do was lavish upon Him all that I am. How I wished there was more that I could pour on Him.
And now here I am, and I thought it would be hard, and I thought it would be a daily cross, and it IS a daily cross, but.....this is so strange......it is light, easy, and full of joy. A paradox, a mystery.
If you resolve to obey Him with determination, and with all your heart, He will pour strength all over you.
It's not even hard to obey Him. It's a joy. Really, I smile when I think about obeying Him and doing what He says. Because it fills me with hope and expectancy. =D
I AM CONTENT.
"I have learned the secret of being content whatever the circumstances....."
Phil 4:12
Right now my heart is perfectly content to be molded in the Potter's gentle, calloused hands and stay in the hidden place of intimacy, realeasing my full potential to His eyes only, being unseen by the world and only seen by Him. This is all okay with me. I love Him.
I will wait, for He who promised is faithful.
I will wait and keep my spirit sweet. He is so good.
Patience.....is a whole lot easier than we think. And it's a whole lot less complicated than we make it.
Just be still, just wait.
It's not as hard as we always thought. In fact, there's something about waiting that is so sweet, light and pleasant that we won't find unless we wait. And it doesn't come AFTER the waiting is over, it is found IN the season of waiting itself! There is so much joy to be found in patiently hoping and trusting.
There is the joy and the reward of finally getting to the other side and receiving the thing we have been waiting for, but there is a whole other joy and reward that we can have WHILE we wait. I have found that joy, and it's so sweet to my soul.
I never thought I would get here.
I am happy waiting. < Woah. DID I REALLY JUST SAY THAT?!
Who would have thought?
I NEVER thought I would be able to honestly say that I am joyful in waiting. NEVER.
But my Lord has strengthened my heart like never before. I can do this.
I wept for an hour and a half, in the back of the prayer room facing the wall on my knees to this song last week. All I could do was offer Him my heart. All I was able to do was lavish upon Him all that I am. How I wished there was more that I could pour on Him.
And now here I am, and I thought it would be hard, and I thought it would be a daily cross, and it IS a daily cross, but.....this is so strange......it is light, easy, and full of joy. A paradox, a mystery.
If you resolve to obey Him with determination, and with all your heart, He will pour strength all over you.
It's not even hard to obey Him. It's a joy. Really, I smile when I think about obeying Him and doing what He says. Because it fills me with hope and expectancy. =D
I AM CONTENT.
"I have learned the secret of being content whatever the circumstances....."
Phil 4:12
Right now my heart is perfectly content to be molded in the Potter's gentle, calloused hands and stay in the hidden place of intimacy, realeasing my full potential to His eyes only, being unseen by the world and only seen by Him. This is all okay with me. I love Him.
I will wait, for He who promised is faithful.
I will wait and keep my spirit sweet. He is so good.
Patience.....is a whole lot easier than we think. And it's a whole lot less complicated than we make it.
Just be still, just wait.
It's not as hard as we always thought. In fact, there's something about waiting that is so sweet, light and pleasant that we won't find unless we wait. And it doesn't come AFTER the waiting is over, it is found IN the season of waiting itself! There is so much joy to be found in patiently hoping and trusting.
There is the joy and the reward of finally getting to the other side and receiving the thing we have been waiting for, but there is a whole other joy and reward that we can have WHILE we wait. I have found that joy, and it's so sweet to my soul.
I never thought I would get here.
I am happy waiting. < Woah. DID I REALLY JUST SAY THAT?!
Who would have thought?
I NEVER thought I would be able to honestly say that I am joyful in waiting. NEVER.
But my Lord has strengthened my heart like never before. I can do this.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Don't Rush The Winter
Don't rush the winter
For soon it will be spring.
In silence wait upon Him;
In waiting, learn to lean.
~This is a simple word the Lord gave me over the past week while I was in Missouri. The night I arrived it started to snow and continued all through the night and all day long the next day. When I think about how much of a "look-ahead" type of person I am, the Lord always reminds me that He is not. He is right here and right now, and He is in absolutely no rush. And when I slow down enough to stop and look where He is, I usually find that I have rushed far ahead and He is still waiting for me to turn around and come back to the place where I was so quick to leave.
"Stay here with me a little while, just wait and look around. I love this, and I want you to see all the beauty that I see. I don't want you to miss any of it." He whispers to me.
"Don't worry about things that might pass you by while you stay with Me where I am. If you stay with me and keep the pace I keep, I will show you the very best things to be found."
For soon it will be spring.
In silence wait upon Him;
In waiting, learn to lean.
~This is a simple word the Lord gave me over the past week while I was in Missouri. The night I arrived it started to snow and continued all through the night and all day long the next day. When I think about how much of a "look-ahead" type of person I am, the Lord always reminds me that He is not. He is right here and right now, and He is in absolutely no rush. And when I slow down enough to stop and look where He is, I usually find that I have rushed far ahead and He is still waiting for me to turn around and come back to the place where I was so quick to leave.
"Stay here with me a little while, just wait and look around. I love this, and I want you to see all the beauty that I see. I don't want you to miss any of it." He whispers to me.
"Don't worry about things that might pass you by while you stay with Me where I am. If you stay with me and keep the pace I keep, I will show you the very best things to be found."
Thursday, January 6, 2011
It's Not Fair
It's not fair that the following video is REALITY and we have never felt such things, never been scathed by things like this, never been touched by this kind of suffering.
It's not fair that at the exact same time as these things are happening, Americans are looking at "10 Best Cars of 2011", buying pointless-waste-of-time apps for our iPhone, and reading about "Camille Grammer not leaving 'Real Housewives' just yet" ......that's not fair.
It's not fair. But it's reality. I thank Him, for He has blessed us abundantly beyond what we deserve, but I also pray I will not live as an ostrich with my head in the sand, that I will not be blind to reality. That I will forever cling to Him as my only hope, and know that we are not immune to suffering; to be human is to suffer. To live on this planet is to suffer.
If I know nothing of suffering, how will I take it when suffering comes knocking at my own door?
So I share in the sufferings of these Haitians.
It's not fair that at the exact same time as these things are happening, Americans are looking at "10 Best Cars of 2011", buying pointless-waste-of-time apps for our iPhone, and reading about "Camille Grammer not leaving 'Real Housewives' just yet" ......that's not fair.
It's not fair. But it's reality. I thank Him, for He has blessed us abundantly beyond what we deserve, but I also pray I will not live as an ostrich with my head in the sand, that I will not be blind to reality. That I will forever cling to Him as my only hope, and know that we are not immune to suffering; to be human is to suffer. To live on this planet is to suffer.
If I know nothing of suffering, how will I take it when suffering comes knocking at my own door?
So I share in the sufferings of these Haitians.
Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy
Saturday, January 1, 2011
I'm Counting Down!!
1 more day until it is....Sunday! :)
2 days until ....I don't know.
3 days until I go to the dentist :(
4 days until my parent's 25TH ANNIVERSARY! Wow, how beautiful <3
5 days until my best most amazing friend and sister turns 23!! AWESOME!
6 days until I turn 21!!!!! YEAHHHHOOO :)
7 days until my last work day before I leave and......
8 days until I get on an airplane and fly (one of my favorite things IN THE WORLD to do!) up to Kansas City Missouri to see my wonderful friends and spend precious undivided hours before my Jesus in the Prayer room of International House of Prayer for a whole seven days! SO EXCITED TO FINALLY GO BACK! It's only been 4 months but it feels like FOREVERRR!
AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 2011 is gonna be INSANE! :) Praise Jesus! :)
'Faaaithful You're always faaithful, truuue you're always truuue....you'll never leeeavve me, You're always with me, You're gooooood....you're gooooood......."
2 days until ....I don't know.
3 days until I go to the dentist :(
4 days until my parent's 25TH ANNIVERSARY! Wow, how beautiful <3
5 days until my best most amazing friend and sister turns 23!! AWESOME!
6 days until I turn 21!!!!! YEAHHHHOOO :)
7 days until my last work day before I leave and......
8 days until I get on an airplane and fly (one of my favorite things IN THE WORLD to do!) up to Kansas City Missouri to see my wonderful friends and spend precious undivided hours before my Jesus in the Prayer room of International House of Prayer for a whole seven days! SO EXCITED TO FINALLY GO BACK! It's only been 4 months but it feels like FOREVERRR!
AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 2011 is gonna be INSANE! :) Praise Jesus! :)
'Faaaithful You're always faaithful, truuue you're always truuue....you'll never leeeavve me, You're always with me, You're gooooood....you're gooooood......."
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