Sometimes there are those seasons in my life where words just don't ever convey anything that is in my heart.
When every time I try to talk to someone, the words that I want to say just aren't there, so no one ever truly gets what is really stirring inside.
When I want so bad to pick up the phone and just pour out everything to someone, but I know I won't be able to, because I don't even truly know. I just know something is stirring and swelling, and it's almost overwhelming.
When every time I try to sit down and type something, I always end up hitting backspace, over and over again, until finally I just hit close and resolve to have a swelling heart with no outlet but the Lord's heart.
And when you I that, there comes a great exchange between two hearts, and they pour out and into eachother again and again and it seems to never end.
This is one such season for me. Since September my heart has been one big sloppy mess of emotion, excitement and aliveness often causing me to break down in tears anywhere and everywhere, and for whatever reason. Not sadness, just overwhelming-ness. <3
And every day I search for an outlet, but at the end of every day I always reach the same conclusion: there is no outlet but the heart of God.
This is the season to dream. God is doing something amazing, and He is allowing me and others close to me to start stirring on the inside and causing our hearts to long. And now He is placing His hand on these desires He has given, and causing little sparks to spark passion in others, and He is really on the move here.
I have never felt my heart grow so large in such a small amount of time, in my entire walk with the Lord. In 4 months I feel like I have grown four years. What in the world?!
Such a sweet season <3
Still I have not even scratched the surface of what is going on. That's ok. There is something still and quiet and extremely beautiful about only Him knowing everything. <3
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Oh How He Loves....People
The other day I was out in public somewhere and I can't remember exactly what happened but someone did something that made me feel angry inside, and I remember thinking in my head "Wow, RUDE.." and IMMEDIATELY following those words in my head the Lord spoke and cut straight to my heart: "LOVE."
There wasn't even a pause in between my thought and God's parenting.
"RUDE.."
"LOVE."
He didn't even give me a chance to feel upset or angry for one second. I had forgotten. I'M SUPPOSED TO LOVE.
"God, hello, did you not see what they just did? That was SO rude! WOW. Did you not see that?!"
"LOVE."
Just like that. It totally canceled out MY feelings, what I was thinking, etc. And I wasn't angry or upset at all anymore. I felt my heart expand just a little bit bigger.
Everywhere I go, my heart goes out to every person I see. People probably think I have a problem or something, but I will look at someone and think to myself "How is his day going? What is he thinking, what's his history, and how does he feel" or "Is she in the middle of a really busy day today? Is her heart in pain?" Etc. etc. etc.
Did you know that EVERY SINGLE PERSON has a past, present and future. They all have a story. They all have hurts, they all have wishes and dreams, they all could write a book about their lives.
This is what Jesus came for. To bridge the gap between humanity and the Holy. That a God so big, so mysterious and so entirely Set-Apart and Holy, who knows no boundaries, could step down and limit himself in the box of time and of space, and relate to these tiny lives. And tell us that He knows, He gets it, and He understands. And that He cares.
Jesus cares that your mom used to beat you and scream at you. Jesus cares that your dad left when you were little. Jesus cares that people didn't understand you. Jesus cares that you were hurt by your best friend. Jesus cares that the guy you like didn't want you. Jesus cares that you felt lonely. Jesus cares that you don't like your job. Jesus cares that you want this or that. Jesus cares that you like to watch football. Jesus cares that you love coffee. Jesus cares about the big things, AND the little things.
He came and walked the earth because He cares, because He wanted us to know that He sees us, and He understands us. He lived and breathed real air into real lungs.
He scraped His knee as a child and felt the pain of being an outcast as an adult. He ran and played as a child and He laughed and feasted as an adult.
HE CARES.
God is Holy, but He became human.
LOVE!
Merry Christmas :)
There wasn't even a pause in between my thought and God's parenting.
"RUDE.."
"LOVE."
He didn't even give me a chance to feel upset or angry for one second. I had forgotten. I'M SUPPOSED TO LOVE.
"God, hello, did you not see what they just did? That was SO rude! WOW. Did you not see that?!"
"LOVE."
Just like that. It totally canceled out MY feelings, what I was thinking, etc. And I wasn't angry or upset at all anymore. I felt my heart expand just a little bit bigger.
Everywhere I go, my heart goes out to every person I see. People probably think I have a problem or something, but I will look at someone and think to myself "How is his day going? What is he thinking, what's his history, and how does he feel" or "Is she in the middle of a really busy day today? Is her heart in pain?" Etc. etc. etc.
Did you know that EVERY SINGLE PERSON has a past, present and future. They all have a story. They all have hurts, they all have wishes and dreams, they all could write a book about their lives.
This is what Jesus came for. To bridge the gap between humanity and the Holy. That a God so big, so mysterious and so entirely Set-Apart and Holy, who knows no boundaries, could step down and limit himself in the box of time and of space, and relate to these tiny lives. And tell us that He knows, He gets it, and He understands. And that He cares.
Jesus cares that your mom used to beat you and scream at you. Jesus cares that your dad left when you were little. Jesus cares that people didn't understand you. Jesus cares that you were hurt by your best friend. Jesus cares that the guy you like didn't want you. Jesus cares that you felt lonely. Jesus cares that you don't like your job. Jesus cares that you want this or that. Jesus cares that you like to watch football. Jesus cares that you love coffee. Jesus cares about the big things, AND the little things.
He came and walked the earth because He cares, because He wanted us to know that He sees us, and He understands us. He lived and breathed real air into real lungs.
He scraped His knee as a child and felt the pain of being an outcast as an adult. He ran and played as a child and He laughed and feasted as an adult.
HE CARES.
God is Holy, but He became human.
LOVE!
Merry Christmas :)
Thursday, December 2, 2010
The question......
So I am putting a fleece before the Lord now. (Judges 6:36-38)
I'm asking Him for something. If He says yes, HE IS SO FAITHFUL TO ME! Hallellujah!
If He says no, HE IS SO FAITHFUL TO ME! HALLELUJAH!!!!
Whatever He says, He is so good to me. I have learned and still learning to trust Him. That He can do whatever He wants to, and whatever He does is good. Sometimes it's really hard to say that. But it is always true.
My hope is in God. It's in His character and His nature.
My hope is not in what I want to happen. Because the thing I want to happen....it might, and it might not. 50/50. And if my hope is in it, what happens if it doesn't happen? Where does my hope go? If it doesn't happen, I will be disappointed.
---IF--- my hope is in it.
But IF my hope is in the LORD, then whether it does or does not happen, my hope will not waver. Because my hope isn't resting on the results of this thing. It's resting on the FACT that My God is faithful to me, always, every time. He's faithful to my heart. So if I don't get what I'm asking for, it won't shake me. Because I know that He is faithful.
SO.
Here are the two things I may say. I'm going to say one of them. I don't know which one. And I don't know when I will find out which one. But here they are:
"Lord, may I have this?"
....."Yes, you may."
"HALLELJUAH! YOU ARE SO FAITHFUL TO ME! THANK YOU SO MUCH!"
This one will fill me with joy, and stamp that trust on my heart even stronger, and be a testimony of His unfailing goodness to me.
"Lord, may I have this?"
....."No, not this time."
"THANK YOU, LORD. YOU ARE FAITHFUL TO ME. YOU ARE GOOD. I CHOOSE TO TRUST YOU. HALLELUJAH" <3
This one will make me strong in heart, and continue the ongoing trust lesson, and be a testimony of perfect leadership.
Whichever one happens, is GOOD for me. HE IS GOOD. He works all things for good.
I know that He is faithful. I don't know how long it will be, but that's not my job. It's not my job to figure out how long it may take until I know.
My job right now, is to keep asking, keep trusting, and wait on Him. He is not going to fail me. And to keep hope alive. Even if He says no, my hope will stay alive because He's good. ("And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us." Romans 5:5)
AMEN, AMEN, AND AMEN.
"Lord, may I have this?" <3
I'm asking Him for something. If He says yes, HE IS SO FAITHFUL TO ME! Hallellujah!
If He says no, HE IS SO FAITHFUL TO ME! HALLELUJAH!!!!
Whatever He says, He is so good to me. I have learned and still learning to trust Him. That He can do whatever He wants to, and whatever He does is good. Sometimes it's really hard to say that. But it is always true.
My hope is in God. It's in His character and His nature.
My hope is not in what I want to happen. Because the thing I want to happen....it might, and it might not. 50/50. And if my hope is in it, what happens if it doesn't happen? Where does my hope go? If it doesn't happen, I will be disappointed.
---IF--- my hope is in it.
But IF my hope is in the LORD, then whether it does or does not happen, my hope will not waver. Because my hope isn't resting on the results of this thing. It's resting on the FACT that My God is faithful to me, always, every time. He's faithful to my heart. So if I don't get what I'm asking for, it won't shake me. Because I know that He is faithful.
SO.
Here are the two things I may say. I'm going to say one of them. I don't know which one. And I don't know when I will find out which one. But here they are:
"Lord, may I have this?"
....."Yes, you may."
"HALLELJUAH! YOU ARE SO FAITHFUL TO ME! THANK YOU SO MUCH!"
This one will fill me with joy, and stamp that trust on my heart even stronger, and be a testimony of His unfailing goodness to me.
"Lord, may I have this?"
....."No, not this time."
"THANK YOU, LORD. YOU ARE FAITHFUL TO ME. YOU ARE GOOD. I CHOOSE TO TRUST YOU. HALLELUJAH" <3
This one will make me strong in heart, and continue the ongoing trust lesson, and be a testimony of perfect leadership.
Whichever one happens, is GOOD for me. HE IS GOOD. He works all things for good.
I know that He is faithful. I don't know how long it will be, but that's not my job. It's not my job to figure out how long it may take until I know.
My job right now, is to keep asking, keep trusting, and wait on Him. He is not going to fail me. And to keep hope alive. Even if He says no, my hope will stay alive because He's good. ("And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us." Romans 5:5)
AMEN, AMEN, AND AMEN.
"Lord, may I have this?" <3
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