Difficult Week Full of Happiness!

Does that sound like an oxymoron? Well, it is, but its true!! Sometimes I just look at my life so messy and scattered and absolutely crazy and all I want to do is collapse on the floor in exhaustion. *HUGE SIGH*

Yesterday was a little rough and lonely until I once again turned all my thoughts to the Lord, which I happened to do at the tail end of my day.....oh, dear me, if I could just learn that it would all be better sooner if I could turn to Him as soon as I get these lonely feelings, but its a process. =]

And after contemplating/battling inside, flipping through My Utmost for His Highest, taking a walk at noon, another one at 2:30, and another one at 3, to try and clear my head, wishing I was in kansas city surrounded by my wonderful 2nd family, waiting for a phone call from my new workplace about coming in for training, singing and playing a bit on the piano, looking for recipes to try, taking ANOTHER little stroll outside,.... it finally got dark outside, and I was left to go into my bedroom and just .....cry. I haven't cried in who knows how long, so why not now? ;]

My brothers had their girlfriends and a little group of friends over for a nice little fire. I just wanted a little privacy, and someone to understand me. Plus, I had been crying, so I figured it might be best to keep my smeared and sweaty face from being seen by my brothers friends. I felt in between all my friends. Either they are all older and more mature, or younger and not able to relate to me. And then there's me, caught in the middle. "Who the heck can I talk to right now!!" GAHH.....

I finally went and flopped down in the chair to talk to my dad and mom who were enjoying their friday evening. "I'm just so sick of not knowing anything!" After letting all the little concerns and worries that were spinning around and around in my head come out of my mouth to my parents, I began to see how ridiculous I was making things.

I realized that.... *I was having one of my moments.* They never last too long. I'd be fine by morning. I'm familiar with my moments. I get my moments, and then I'm fine. They don't happen too often, but when they do, they are absolutely daunting. =] HOWEVER, they come and then they go. They are not at home in me. I already know there's no turning back, this is the life I have chosen, and yes it's going to be scary and daunting and full of risks, and full of TRUSTING, but it's what I signed up for.

So I went back to my room, sat down at the piano and wrote a song, based out of one of my absolute favorite Psalms, Psalm 145. It was quite fun, and I rather like it.

Then I received a phone call from the PERFECT person to call at JUST the right time, my beloved and beautiful Amanda from IHOP. I needed to hear her voice! It was her night off, and she was alone in her house. Ohhhh YES, the perfect someone to sympathyize with me! I had forgotten her when I was thinking who on earth can I talk to, thank you Lord! <3

He's working in me an eternal weight of glory, and one day I will see. He is peeling back little bits even now! Praise the Lord who is always faithful, to the END!