I always think about where I could be.
If only I could write better songs. Amazing, creative songs with lyrics that peirce the heart and make you come alive. If only I played the piano better, if the melodies and harmonies I could play would be so beautiful and creative and awaken souls. If only I had a better voice, if I could sing His heart with such a beautiful, broad range,if my voice could make people cry. If only I was an amazing cook, if I could make delicious things and offer them to anyone and everyone, and bless so many people with my cooking. If only I looked better. If I was more attractive, so graceful and beautiful, and not so "cute and childlike". If I was just beautiful. If only I could dance better, if my movements conveyed so much of God's heart in such a graceful and beautiful and powerful way. If only I was so talented in this area. If only.....
But I'm not. I've been given what I've been given. What He saw fit to give me, He has given. No more, no less. He knows the perfect way.
So why do I think about what could be?
I've already captured His heart.
He's already in love with me.
If I'm truly doing everything for Him, and if I truly am in love with Him, I'm going to take every single square inch of love inside me and every piece of heart that I have, and take it for all its worth, and let it explode in sweet offering to the one I love. I'm going to let it pour out of me like a flood all over His feet. I'm going to dance with all that's in me, I'm going to sing and play with everything I am, I'm going to love Him with all my heart whatever my hand finds to do , it will be done with ALL of my heart in it. Because I'm in love with Him.
Everything that I have been given is for me to give back to my Savior.
If I've been given a voice, then let me sing.
If I have two legs and two feet, then let me dance. And run, and leap, and spin.
If I have two arms and two hands, then let me write, paint, play, hold, love.
If I have a mouth, then let me speak.
If I have an eye then let me see, gaze, ponder, and imagine.
If I've been given strength, then let me run.
If I've been given a heart, a will, emotions and desires, and if He's given me the gift of love for Him, then let me dream.
And if I have dreams, then they are from Him, and He's gonna make them happen.
Just let me be fully alive.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Oh Sweet Uncertainty...
....How you draw me near to Him...
Here is just some random stuff that is currently reverberating in my mind over and over again...somehow I have to let it out:
God why am I here in Florida? What do you have for me to do here? What are YOU doing here? I want to get involved in what Youre doing. I want to be part of what you're doing EVERYWHERE in the world, but until You call me elsewhere, here I am in Titusville. So what's going on here? I don't wanna miss it!
I want to praypraypraypraypray, and dance, and sing, and disciple, and have prayer meetings, and sell all my stuff, and go. Everywhere. I want to find your heart in every place, in the most unexpected places. In every person I meet. I just wanna go! EVERYWHERE! This trip and that trip and this trip and then another trip! Packing up all my stuff, then unpacking again. Always ready to go wherever You call me...I want to go on a huge lifetime adventure. Never settling down. Me and you Jesus. And then me, you and my husband. Always trusting you to provide, depending on you for everything. Never looking back. Always taking risks, stepping out, holding our breath, and then laughing because we knew You'd be faithful. And having SO MUCH FUN for the rest of our lives! Here I am at home in titusville, living with my family, back in my bedroom, and I just want to GO! I want to move somewhere. Then I want to go somewhere else. Then somewhere else. FOREVER!!!!!
Where do all these desires tie together> I'm 20 years old, so, SO young, and my heart is so alive with hope and anticipation. How on earth will all these desires tie together? How will God do that? I can't see how any of it is gonna come together at all. Are these dreams conflicting with one another? Even just a little? I can't help wondering.
Or......has He placed each individual one in my heart with a glimmer in His eye and plans to fulfill them all? Somehow, something tells me that they are all supposed to be there. Every last one. That they're all gifts. That they are all a precious part of my DNA....they are from the Lord. That makes me so happy! My heart is so alive with expectancy. What will the Lord choose to do first??!?!?!!?!?
Here is just some random stuff that is currently reverberating in my mind over and over again...somehow I have to let it out:
God why am I here in Florida? What do you have for me to do here? What are YOU doing here? I want to get involved in what Youre doing. I want to be part of what you're doing EVERYWHERE in the world, but until You call me elsewhere, here I am in Titusville. So what's going on here? I don't wanna miss it!
I want to praypraypraypraypray, and dance, and sing, and disciple, and have prayer meetings, and sell all my stuff, and go. Everywhere. I want to find your heart in every place, in the most unexpected places. In every person I meet. I just wanna go! EVERYWHERE! This trip and that trip and this trip and then another trip! Packing up all my stuff, then unpacking again. Always ready to go wherever You call me...I want to go on a huge lifetime adventure. Never settling down. Me and you Jesus. And then me, you and my husband. Always trusting you to provide, depending on you for everything. Never looking back. Always taking risks, stepping out, holding our breath, and then laughing because we knew You'd be faithful. And having SO MUCH FUN for the rest of our lives! Here I am at home in titusville, living with my family, back in my bedroom, and I just want to GO! I want to move somewhere. Then I want to go somewhere else. Then somewhere else. FOREVER!!!!!
Where do all these desires tie together> I'm 20 years old, so, SO young, and my heart is so alive with hope and anticipation. How on earth will all these desires tie together? How will God do that? I can't see how any of it is gonna come together at all. Are these dreams conflicting with one another? Even just a little? I can't help wondering.
Or......has He placed each individual one in my heart with a glimmer in His eye and plans to fulfill them all? Somehow, something tells me that they are all supposed to be there. Every last one. That they're all gifts. That they are all a precious part of my DNA....they are from the Lord. That makes me so happy! My heart is so alive with expectancy. What will the Lord choose to do first??!?!?!!?!?
Thursday, October 7, 2010
TRUST-
What does trust look like? It looks like this:
1 Having no money, no car, nothing mapped out before me, yet having a smile on my face, and a steadfastness, joy and peace in my heart, knowing that I'm taken care of.
2 Going to job interview after job interview, filling out application after application, with nothing ever working out, and keeping hope alive inside through it all. Never doubting, never giving way to discouragement.
3 Finding a man whose heart is all I've been looking/praying for, who looks like Jesus, who has the character of the man I want to marry, and who matches everything I've written in my journals about my future husband, but not knowing if anything will ever happen. Having to leave with huge uncertainty in my heart. Having to let go and not know, and accept the reality of never knowing. And being ok with all this. Carrying great joy and peace in my heart, because I know His faithfulness.
4 Saying goodbyes to family who is knit to my heart, when it seems like we've barely even said hello, yet not having even an ounce of worry about where they will be down the road, or where I will be.
5 Curling up in a corner with my Bible when I've been thrust into this blurry fog that is so heavy I can't even see to take another step in front of me. Bringing my bare heart before the Lord and asking Him to take the next step first, and then I can do it.
TRUST LOOKS LIKE:
-Walking forward with a blindfold on, holding my Daddy's hand
-Landing on my bed or on my knees in tears sometimes, knowing that tomorrow the sun will shine and bring me word of His unfailing love and it will all be ok!
-Reading my life story without knowing what's even in the next paragraph, let alone what's on the next page, or in the next chapter, or how many more chapters there are, etc. etc. etc. .....with no ounce of fear or doubt in my heart.
- Falling backwards, knowing without a doubt...Daddy always catches me.
1 Having no money, no car, nothing mapped out before me, yet having a smile on my face, and a steadfastness, joy and peace in my heart, knowing that I'm taken care of.
2 Going to job interview after job interview, filling out application after application, with nothing ever working out, and keeping hope alive inside through it all. Never doubting, never giving way to discouragement.
3 Finding a man whose heart is all I've been looking/praying for, who looks like Jesus, who has the character of the man I want to marry, and who matches everything I've written in my journals about my future husband, but not knowing if anything will ever happen. Having to leave with huge uncertainty in my heart. Having to let go and not know, and accept the reality of never knowing. And being ok with all this. Carrying great joy and peace in my heart, because I know His faithfulness.
4 Saying goodbyes to family who is knit to my heart, when it seems like we've barely even said hello, yet not having even an ounce of worry about where they will be down the road, or where I will be.
5 Curling up in a corner with my Bible when I've been thrust into this blurry fog that is so heavy I can't even see to take another step in front of me. Bringing my bare heart before the Lord and asking Him to take the next step first, and then I can do it.
TRUST LOOKS LIKE:
-Walking forward with a blindfold on, holding my Daddy's hand
-Landing on my bed or on my knees in tears sometimes, knowing that tomorrow the sun will shine and bring me word of His unfailing love and it will all be ok!
-Reading my life story without knowing what's even in the next paragraph, let alone what's on the next page, or in the next chapter, or how many more chapters there are, etc. etc. etc. .....with no ounce of fear or doubt in my heart.
- Falling backwards, knowing without a doubt...Daddy always catches me.
Someday really soon :)
"Wherever there's a princess......there's bound to be a knight in shining armor on the way!"
My prince is coming, but I will not sulk in a castle until he gets here! I will not be idle.....I will use this time to prepare, I will learn to be the best cook in the world, I will learn how to love those around me, I will start healthy habits in all areas of life, and when he finds me, I will be even better than I am now
My prince is coming, but I will not sulk in a castle until he gets here! I will not be idle.....I will use this time to prepare, I will learn to be the best cook in the world, I will learn how to love those around me, I will start healthy habits in all areas of life, and when he finds me, I will be even better than I am now
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
My last day in Missouri
I have been home from IHOP for a few weeks now. The last day of the internship I was absolutely a mess of tears, tissues, crazy laughing and dancing and emotional wreckage on the inside. I spent the majority of the day/night crying. I cried when everyone prayed over eachother, over me, cried when we were all standing outside together, cried at the last meeting in that little side room with my roommates and leaders, cried walking up the aisle in the prayer room. I went right up the very front row, I don't even remember what song they were doing, but I sat down, held out my hands to the Lord and just started crying. I couldn't stop crying through the whole set. And the 2 sets after that. For the whole six hours, I cried, went to the back and took communion, cried, hugged every person that walked by, cried, stood at the map and cried, stood in the dance section and cried (I couldn't even dance) walked to the bathroom and cried, and on and on......My heart was just overwhelmed. I wasn't even sad, I just had to cry. Because I knew that all the Lord had done in me, I knew all He had promised me, I knew the work He had done on my heart, I knew all the things that had happened in the last 6 months. It was all too much for me. I will never forget that night, September 23rd, 2010. JESUS IS MY BELOVED.
So after breakfast at IHOP pancakes, we all said our goodbyes and then drove back home together for the last time. After my crazy emtotional roller coaster of a day/night, I decided there was no way I could go to sleep now. Plus, the sunshine and breeze were just too much for me to resist. So I finished packing up in my room, then grabbed a sweater and went for a walk. I walked to Shiloh, the park I usually went to when I went for my runs in the mornings. The sky was SO blue, cloudless, and the sun was so warm and the breeze was perfect. THE WEATHER WAS SOOOO PERFECT! I couldn't have asked for a better day! (I'm sure part of my joy in the sunshine was due to the fact that for half a year I had not been up this time of day to see the sun at this time. It was the brightest and most beautiful thing I had seen in half a year!) :) HAHA. That's what the nightwatch will do to you..HA! :)
So I walked up and down those crazy Missouri hills, down the winding dirt road into Shiloh, and down by the lake. I stopped at a bench that I usually go past on my runs, at the foot of the lake. And all I could do was sit there overwhelmed. Words cannot describe the way my heart was feeling that day! I felt the absolute most satisfied, peaceful JOY I have ever felt in my life! And I sat there on that bench and just started pouring out my heart to the Lord, looking up at all the trees, and all that was in my heart was gratitude, thankfulness. He had been so, SO very good to me.
I sat there crying the joy that welled up within me, if that even makes sense. I was so overwhelmed with joy that I had to do something, so I cried! I got up off the bench and kept walking, with the intent to go on my usual path, but even farther this time. I went up the hill past the field of sunflowers. Just me, all alone, me and Jesus. I went around the corner, down through the green area, and to one of my favorite parts of the walk, the little rocky creek that cuts right across the trail. I kicked off my flip flops and danced around in the little creek. SO MUCH FUN! I felt the joy and delight of the Lord. I have never felt more satisfied. For once I didn't need anything, or anyone else. I had my Beloved and that was enough. He is more than enough for me. He has filled every desire of my heart, and I truly lack NOTHING. "No good thing has He withheld...."
After my little creek dance, I kept on, around another lake. Then hiked up the woodsy area into the really narrow path in the forest! SO beautiful. I saw like 3 or 4 deer, really close! SOOOO BEAUTIFUL! I went farther on the path than I ever have, it goes so far back into the woods. All the while enjoying the sweet presence of the Lord, feeling so satisfied and just wonderful and beautiful and everything you could ever want. On the walk back, I stopped at the other lake, and there is a little gazebo at the foot of the lake. So I thought "Why not?!" I ran through the tall, tall grass to the gazebo, kicked off my shoes and jumped up onto it. I sat on the little ledge, all by myself, in the sunshine, literally felt the light of God's face shining on me. I didn't need anything else. NOTHING. Jumped down and ran back onto the path. Then I couldn't resist. I had to dance! I danced down the rest of the path until I reached the little creek again. I don't know if anyone saw me, but I don't even care. I danced with Daddy, out in the beautiful creation He made for me. Truly I took a walk with God in this precious hour on Friday September 24th. I would not trade that day for ANYTHING!
I was SO HAPPY! Not just joyful, but joyful AND......HAPPY. FOR REAL. I couldn't have asked for anything more. I didn't even wish that my man was with me. I didn't need him. I only needed my Beloved. HE IS MORE THAN ENOUGH FOR ME.
It was a place where I didn't know what was next, where to go or what to do when I got there. I have never been more uncertain about the future than I have these days. But you know what? It is one of the most beautiful seasons I have known. Because I am leaning with all that I am, on my Beloved. All I need to know is I love Him, and He loves me. I don't need to know where I'm going. I don't need to know what job I need to get. Or whether or not to go to school, or somewhere else, or to move here or there. I don't need to know any of that! I would like to know some, and I'm used to having a little something to hold onto so I don't freak out, but I don't need to know any of that. All I need to know is that He is leading me perfectly. He doesn't fail me. All I need to know is MY DADDY LOVES ME. He has proved Himself to me time and time again. I am entirely utterly clueless but I LOVE IT! I KNOW MY DADDY, AND I KNOW HIS FAITHFULNESS.
He is good, SO, SO, SO good to me!
More to come......
So after breakfast at IHOP pancakes, we all said our goodbyes and then drove back home together for the last time. After my crazy emtotional roller coaster of a day/night, I decided there was no way I could go to sleep now. Plus, the sunshine and breeze were just too much for me to resist. So I finished packing up in my room, then grabbed a sweater and went for a walk. I walked to Shiloh, the park I usually went to when I went for my runs in the mornings. The sky was SO blue, cloudless, and the sun was so warm and the breeze was perfect. THE WEATHER WAS SOOOO PERFECT! I couldn't have asked for a better day! (I'm sure part of my joy in the sunshine was due to the fact that for half a year I had not been up this time of day to see the sun at this time. It was the brightest and most beautiful thing I had seen in half a year!) :) HAHA. That's what the nightwatch will do to you..HA! :)
So I walked up and down those crazy Missouri hills, down the winding dirt road into Shiloh, and down by the lake. I stopped at a bench that I usually go past on my runs, at the foot of the lake. And all I could do was sit there overwhelmed. Words cannot describe the way my heart was feeling that day! I felt the absolute most satisfied, peaceful JOY I have ever felt in my life! And I sat there on that bench and just started pouring out my heart to the Lord, looking up at all the trees, and all that was in my heart was gratitude, thankfulness. He had been so, SO very good to me.
I sat there crying the joy that welled up within me, if that even makes sense. I was so overwhelmed with joy that I had to do something, so I cried! I got up off the bench and kept walking, with the intent to go on my usual path, but even farther this time. I went up the hill past the field of sunflowers. Just me, all alone, me and Jesus. I went around the corner, down through the green area, and to one of my favorite parts of the walk, the little rocky creek that cuts right across the trail. I kicked off my flip flops and danced around in the little creek. SO MUCH FUN! I felt the joy and delight of the Lord. I have never felt more satisfied. For once I didn't need anything, or anyone else. I had my Beloved and that was enough. He is more than enough for me. He has filled every desire of my heart, and I truly lack NOTHING. "No good thing has He withheld...."
After my little creek dance, I kept on, around another lake. Then hiked up the woodsy area into the really narrow path in the forest! SO beautiful. I saw like 3 or 4 deer, really close! SOOOO BEAUTIFUL! I went farther on the path than I ever have, it goes so far back into the woods. All the while enjoying the sweet presence of the Lord, feeling so satisfied and just wonderful and beautiful and everything you could ever want. On the walk back, I stopped at the other lake, and there is a little gazebo at the foot of the lake. So I thought "Why not?!" I ran through the tall, tall grass to the gazebo, kicked off my shoes and jumped up onto it. I sat on the little ledge, all by myself, in the sunshine, literally felt the light of God's face shining on me. I didn't need anything else. NOTHING. Jumped down and ran back onto the path. Then I couldn't resist. I had to dance! I danced down the rest of the path until I reached the little creek again. I don't know if anyone saw me, but I don't even care. I danced with Daddy, out in the beautiful creation He made for me. Truly I took a walk with God in this precious hour on Friday September 24th. I would not trade that day for ANYTHING!
I was SO HAPPY! Not just joyful, but joyful AND......HAPPY. FOR REAL. I couldn't have asked for anything more. I didn't even wish that my man was with me. I didn't need him. I only needed my Beloved. HE IS MORE THAN ENOUGH FOR ME.
It was a place where I didn't know what was next, where to go or what to do when I got there. I have never been more uncertain about the future than I have these days. But you know what? It is one of the most beautiful seasons I have known. Because I am leaning with all that I am, on my Beloved. All I need to know is I love Him, and He loves me. I don't need to know where I'm going. I don't need to know what job I need to get. Or whether or not to go to school, or somewhere else, or to move here or there. I don't need to know any of that! I would like to know some, and I'm used to having a little something to hold onto so I don't freak out, but I don't need to know any of that. All I need to know is that He is leading me perfectly. He doesn't fail me. All I need to know is MY DADDY LOVES ME. He has proved Himself to me time and time again. I am entirely utterly clueless but I LOVE IT! I KNOW MY DADDY, AND I KNOW HIS FAITHFULNESS.
He is good, SO, SO, SO good to me!
More to come......
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Changes
My heart is shifting so much, I can feel it. Here I am in Missouri at IHOP, doing Fire in the Night, halfway through it. I finally got here, where my heart longed to be for so long. But now its already half over and I don't want to leave. I don't know what to do. I longed to come here, but it wasn't time yet. So finally the door opens for March 2010 and I come. And before I came I thought, oh I'm only doing 3 months, and then I'm coming back home and maybe I'll do the rest later. And I was like, oh yeah I'll make good friends and stuff, but I never thought they would be my absolute best friends forever and I'd have to say goodbye to them so soon. I never thought it would be like such a family and we'd all become so close to eachother. I never want to leave this community. I wasn't even for sure doing track2 .....until like the 3rd week when I knew I wanted to be here as long as possible. And for the rest of it I knew I was staying. I just can't imagine leaving and I'm not sure that I will feel any different when its time to go home. I might even have a harder time than I'm thinking. And I don't know what to do at home. Just work? Unto what, then? I know that I want to be here in Missouri. I don't know why I changed my mind. This place is where my heart is now. And I wasn't expecting that. I had a plan. I was coming here to get launched. I wanted to do this internship and then go. I don't know where, but I wanted to go everywhere God would lead me. I want to travel and go all these places. I don't even know why. Like what am I going to do in all these places?
I feel like I'm even less sure of myself and my future than I was when I came here. And that's so weird because I was expecting the exact opposite. I was expecting this internship to confirm for me what I'm doing. I wanted to get a vision for my life because I had no idea how God would tie all my desires and giftings together into one calling. And I thought if I came here, He would show me. But now I am totally and utterly clueless. And I'm starting to think that's the way He wanted it. He planned this out. God totally knew what He was doing. He wants me completely dependant on Him alone and nothing of my own strength. He wants me to lean on Him and not my own understanding. SO therefore He chooses to strip me of everything I know, or at least I thought I knew, to make me helpless, needy, empty, and lacking. So that I would lean into Him. And now He shows me what He is going to do. ONE STEP AT A TIME. All I know is the next 3 months. That's as far as i can see right now. I can't see past September 2010 right now. And that's ok, that's how God wants it. I have no clue about anything anymore. I've realized how much I don't know.
There are so many uncertainties about my life and even the near future. I know its all going to work out for my good and HIs glory but sometimes its so hard to trust! I KNOW HE IS BUILDING MY FAITH. Faith is hope in what is UNSEEN.
And He just taught me a lesson yesterday. Through watching another person's situation. One of my best friends who really wanted something and was hoping for it the whole time, and finally she didn't get it. It wasn't what she was expecting. Through that God was telling me not to use this time to hope for something. But to use this time for Him and Him only, or else I will leave disappointed when that something doesn't happen. Because really, it's not going to happen. At least right now. 6 months is not enough time for any of that. It's just not the right time or place for this. And this internship is solely for the purpose of God, not me or my life. So I'm releasing it into His hands. I know that HIS LOVE IS BETTER THAN LIFE, AND IT SATISFIES.
I came here to be completely consumed in the Father and in a love relationship with Him. I came here to be satisfied in Him, fully alive and to turn my back on other lovers. I came here to be sustained and to have the 1st commandment restored to first place in my life and heart. I have seen God do all these things to me since I've been here. He is so faithful. I have grown and changed so much, and my heart is different. It has been re-aligned. I feel that this is right. THIS IS RIGHT. I am RIGHT, I'm in the right place. That is such a good feeling. Nothing is off about any of this. It's the right thing.
It's gonna be hard to leave when I don't know if anything will ever happen along these lines, but I know that He has got this. This is all Him. It's all on Him. God is the one to move me and other people at just the right place and time and do everything He has promised. We are all pawns on a chessboard in the palm of His hand, and He shuffles us about and orders our steps in any way He chooses, always in love. So I'm not worried. I know His ways are perfect. And all His plans are good and delightful to the heart. He is SO FAITHFUL. He will never disappoint me. I am going to leave Missouri with such a hope in my heart and so much thankfulness and gratitude in me toward all that He has done and where He has taken me. He is so good. I love His ways.
NO ONE WHO WAITS UPON THE LORD WILL EVER BE ASHAMED. I'm not going to be disappointed. Because I'm lifting my vision higher, to the right thing. I'll never be disappointed when I'm looking to Him. He is the giver of all good things. He is not stingy. NO GOOD THING DOES HE WITHHOLD FROM THOSE WHO FEAR HIM, THOSE WHO SEEK THE LORD LACK NO GOOD THING!!!!!! He is so faithful. He has the best most amazing and prosperous dreams. HE LOVES ME, HE KNOWS ME BEST AND HE IS GENEROUS AND CHEERFUL GIVER! HE LOVES TO GIVE GOOD GIFTS AND ABUNDANT LIFE! He is always good, never once has He not been faithful. Time and time again He has shown Himself true. It's all working together for my good. I'M SO EXCITED! I LOVE HIM!!! :) :) :)
I feel like I'm even less sure of myself and my future than I was when I came here. And that's so weird because I was expecting the exact opposite. I was expecting this internship to confirm for me what I'm doing. I wanted to get a vision for my life because I had no idea how God would tie all my desires and giftings together into one calling. And I thought if I came here, He would show me. But now I am totally and utterly clueless. And I'm starting to think that's the way He wanted it. He planned this out. God totally knew what He was doing. He wants me completely dependant on Him alone and nothing of my own strength. He wants me to lean on Him and not my own understanding. SO therefore He chooses to strip me of everything I know, or at least I thought I knew, to make me helpless, needy, empty, and lacking. So that I would lean into Him. And now He shows me what He is going to do. ONE STEP AT A TIME. All I know is the next 3 months. That's as far as i can see right now. I can't see past September 2010 right now. And that's ok, that's how God wants it. I have no clue about anything anymore. I've realized how much I don't know.
There are so many uncertainties about my life and even the near future. I know its all going to work out for my good and HIs glory but sometimes its so hard to trust! I KNOW HE IS BUILDING MY FAITH. Faith is hope in what is UNSEEN.
And He just taught me a lesson yesterday. Through watching another person's situation. One of my best friends who really wanted something and was hoping for it the whole time, and finally she didn't get it. It wasn't what she was expecting. Through that God was telling me not to use this time to hope for something. But to use this time for Him and Him only, or else I will leave disappointed when that something doesn't happen. Because really, it's not going to happen. At least right now. 6 months is not enough time for any of that. It's just not the right time or place for this. And this internship is solely for the purpose of God, not me or my life. So I'm releasing it into His hands. I know that HIS LOVE IS BETTER THAN LIFE, AND IT SATISFIES.
I came here to be completely consumed in the Father and in a love relationship with Him. I came here to be satisfied in Him, fully alive and to turn my back on other lovers. I came here to be sustained and to have the 1st commandment restored to first place in my life and heart. I have seen God do all these things to me since I've been here. He is so faithful. I have grown and changed so much, and my heart is different. It has been re-aligned. I feel that this is right. THIS IS RIGHT. I am RIGHT, I'm in the right place. That is such a good feeling. Nothing is off about any of this. It's the right thing.
It's gonna be hard to leave when I don't know if anything will ever happen along these lines, but I know that He has got this. This is all Him. It's all on Him. God is the one to move me and other people at just the right place and time and do everything He has promised. We are all pawns on a chessboard in the palm of His hand, and He shuffles us about and orders our steps in any way He chooses, always in love. So I'm not worried. I know His ways are perfect. And all His plans are good and delightful to the heart. He is SO FAITHFUL. He will never disappoint me. I am going to leave Missouri with such a hope in my heart and so much thankfulness and gratitude in me toward all that He has done and where He has taken me. He is so good. I love His ways.
NO ONE WHO WAITS UPON THE LORD WILL EVER BE ASHAMED. I'm not going to be disappointed. Because I'm lifting my vision higher, to the right thing. I'll never be disappointed when I'm looking to Him. He is the giver of all good things. He is not stingy. NO GOOD THING DOES HE WITHHOLD FROM THOSE WHO FEAR HIM, THOSE WHO SEEK THE LORD LACK NO GOOD THING!!!!!! He is so faithful. He has the best most amazing and prosperous dreams. HE LOVES ME, HE KNOWS ME BEST AND HE IS GENEROUS AND CHEERFUL GIVER! HE LOVES TO GIVE GOOD GIFTS AND ABUNDANT LIFE! He is always good, never once has He not been faithful. Time and time again He has shown Himself true. It's all working together for my good. I'M SO EXCITED! I LOVE HIM!!! :) :) :)
Sunday, February 14, 2010
I stole His heart, and He stole mine
I just thought it would be appropriate for Valentines Day..to tell my story
I didn't know when I turned 16 I would fall in love...
He captured my heart so long ago and is the reason I am here on this journey
He called me beautiful, prized, beloved and asked me to dance
And when I said yes we danced until the sun went down and beyond
I didn't know when I was 16 that was the year I would fall in love
I didn't know that I would see His face and be ruined forever
I didn't know my heart would be stolen and forever locked in his
I threw the key away.
He is the best one. He is the very best one.
He is my first love and my last love.
My heart will always be sold to Him.
No one else can have my heart.
He has me forever, I've been captivated...
"Your laughter it echoes like a joyous thunder
Your whisper it warms me like a summer breeze
Your anger is fiercer than the sun in its splendour
You’re close and yet full of mystery
Ever since the day that I saw Your face
Try as I may, I cannot look away, I cannot look away…
Captivated by You
I am captivated by You
May my life be one unbroken gaze
Fixed upon the beauty of Your face
Beholding is becoming, so as You fill my gaze
I become more like You and my heart is changed
Beholding is becoming, so as You fill my view
Transform me into the likeness of You
This is what I ask, for all my days
That I may, never look away, never look away…
No other could ever be as beautiful
No other could ever steal my heart away
I just can’t look away… "
--Captivated by Vicky Beeching
I didn't know when I turned 16 I would fall in love...
He captured my heart so long ago and is the reason I am here on this journey
He called me beautiful, prized, beloved and asked me to dance
And when I said yes we danced until the sun went down and beyond
I didn't know when I was 16 that was the year I would fall in love
I didn't know that I would see His face and be ruined forever
I didn't know my heart would be stolen and forever locked in his
I threw the key away.
He is the best one. He is the very best one.
He is my first love and my last love.
My heart will always be sold to Him.
No one else can have my heart.
He has me forever, I've been captivated...
"Your laughter it echoes like a joyous thunder
Your whisper it warms me like a summer breeze
Your anger is fiercer than the sun in its splendour
You’re close and yet full of mystery
Ever since the day that I saw Your face
Try as I may, I cannot look away, I cannot look away…
Captivated by You
I am captivated by You
May my life be one unbroken gaze
Fixed upon the beauty of Your face
Beholding is becoming, so as You fill my gaze
I become more like You and my heart is changed
Beholding is becoming, so as You fill my view
Transform me into the likeness of You
This is what I ask, for all my days
That I may, never look away, never look away…
No other could ever be as beautiful
No other could ever steal my heart away
I just can’t look away… "
--Captivated by Vicky Beeching
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