It's Time to Take a Break From Worry

It is so exhausting. It makes me collapse on the floor and lay there feeling helpless. "Look up.." He says, but I never do.

I'm tired. I'm so tired that I can't handle any more anxiety. He gets me to the point where I'm so tired that I HAVE to run into His arms or I won't make it.

I always forget. I always fear. I always worry. I always get anxious. It's one of my biggest struggles. And I really hate it.

I have those days where I feel like I can't handle my longing anymore. My longing for family/community, for real genuine worship, for raw, pure abandoned LOVE, for my husband, for the young people I'm called to be a mother to. I have so much longing and no outlet for it. What am I supposed to do with it? I can't do anything about it, but offer it to the Lord. And for the past couple of weeks, I haven't been offering it to Him. So it's absolutely worn me out and wearied my heart.

When longing fills up my heart to the point it feels like it's going to burst, and I don't give it to the Lord, it makes me faint and lose heart.

My journal's scribblings on March 15----
I can't do it. I can't do this anymore. I'm so weak. I keep falling. I keep losing heart. I keep getting weighed down and discouraged. I'm so scared. I need help. I can't do this alone. I can't stand being alone. I can't stand uncertainty anymore. It's too scary. I can't handle not knowing anything. I'm so scared. I can't do this. I can't do this anymore, Lord. I can't.

And you know something, I'm done, I am SO done. It is SO time to let go of fear, doubt and worry and CLING to His hand. I'm ready to let go, Lord, be with me.....

...When I heard your voice, when you said my name, when I heard your voice my heart it yearned in the middle of the night.....though You're far away, still I'm here to say I'm Yours, I'm Yours.

....You'll find me in the night, hold me in the night, open up my eyes and the Son will rise......