He still pursues me even when I don't respond to Him.
When my heart is pulled in so many different directions, with so many things vying for my attention, affection. Even when my affections are not on Him, and my gaze is not on him. He still pursues me.
And I always complain that "I'm not hearing anything from God! He won't talk to me, He doesn't show up, I can't feel His presence," etc. etc. etc.
How can I expect someone to do any of those things when I ignore them? When I don't act like I want to be with them or hear from them? "I;m not hearing anything from God!" Well, am I posturing myself to hear anything? Am I preparing my heart for something He might say? Am I pursuing His voice, or His words? He might have a lot He wants to say to me or talk to me about. But do I even give him enough time? Or enough room? Is there any room in my heart to hold the things of God? Or is the space in my heart already occupied and taken up by the many things I must do or think about or dwell upon or analyze? HOW MUCH ROOM IS THERE FOR GOD TO SPEAK TO ME, TO BE WITH ME? HOW MUCH CAPACITY IS THERE IN MY LIFE FOR GOD?
He will only come if there's room for Him, IF I DESIRE HIM, IF I PURUSE HIM. Yes, sometimes He will choose to pour out his spirit on anything and everything and even if you are in the way you will get it, because nothing gets in the way of God. But He longs to be DESIRED by us. He wants us to WANT him.Its so simple, RELATIONSHIP.
He already loved us before we even loved him back, and he already died for us when we were still sinners. But now that we know that, wouldn't it be natural for us to LOVE HIM? For us to desire closeness with him?
When my heart is tugged at by the daily things I have to face, my job, my responsibilites, errands, my "to-do list", etc. , is His tugging stronger? Which one do I respond to? It is usually all the other things.
He whispers things to me every day because I don't have the time, room or capacity to listen to him actually talk or pour out his heart to me. He nudges me every day because I don't want to be bothered with an interruption in my day, because it might ruin my plans. THE POINT IS THAT HE STILL PURSUES. HE DOES NOT IGNORE ME, EVEN THOUGH I IGNORE HIM.
He is waiting, longing for me to be with him, for no other reason or agenda than companionship, that he wants a best friend.
He is also holy. He is not going to sit around and wait for me to get it together and finally come trudging in to him at the end of the day exhausted. If I am not open, receptive, or willing, or if I don't respond to his pursuit, then he will find someone else to pour his spirit on. He will find someone else that he can trust with his heart and with his work. If I don't want it, you better believe there is someone else who does. There is some willing, open vessel that is crying "USE ME, GOD! SEND ME, GOD! POUR OUT YOUR SPIRIT ON ME! COME BE WITH ME! I WANT TO PARTNER WITH YOU!"
He will take anyone that wants it, it's not an elite club. But you cannot be divided. That's one thing I 've learned.
THE ONE NECCESSITY OR QUALIFICATION IS - AN UNDIVIDED HEART <3
"I will give them an undivided heart, I will put a new spirit within them, I will remove from them their heart of stone and give them a heart of flesh."
That has been my heart's cry for the past month or so. "GOD, GIVE ME AN UNDIVIDED HEART! LET ALL MY AFFECTIONS BE ON YOU ALONE! LET ALL MY ATTENTION BE ON YOU! LET MY GAZE BE FOCUSED ON YOU, LET IT NOT TURN AWAY FROM YOUR FACE, YOUR EYES!"
I just want more of Him. I want to use this time in my life that I will never get back, this precious time when I can be completely and utterly abandoned because I don't have other people to divide my heart or people to take care of, (like my husband or my kids) I want to not waste any of this time. I want to as consecrated as possible. I want as much of Him as I can possibly hold !!!!! I want to contain as much of God as I can even contain at this point, as small of a vessel as I am, I WANT HIM TO FILL ME! Fill me to the brim, til Im overflowing.
That's what I want. I dont WANT anything else. Nothing else appeals to me right now. I ONLY WANT HIM! MY HEART CRIES OUT FOR HIM, MY SOUL IS LONGING FOR HIM
I want to take my passion, put it in a bottle just to break it at Your feet. I want to take my affections, put them in a bottle, just to waste it at You feet.
"My soul longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water. AND MY SOUL LONGS FOR YOU IN A LUSH AND WEALTHY LAND WHERE THERE IS WATER, I DONT' WANT THAT WATER, I WANT YOU I ONLY WANT YOU!" [ps. 63:1]
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