When I need joy
When I need to be reminded of God's faithfulness
When I need comfort / peace
When I need to know it's going to be worth it
When I need guidance / counsel / direction
When I need hope
When I need encouragement / something to keep me pressing on
When I want to know about God / His characteristics / what He is like
When I want to be like Jesus / learning about what He is like / the life of Christ
When I want to know what He saved me from
When I need to realize it's not about me
I am going to fill up a notebook with pages of verses - all referencing these specific things - so that I will KNOW THAT I KNOW THAT I KNOW that I have a sharp sword. I want to get the Word in me and deep down in my heart so that it will start to take effect and give light to my eyes and heart and happiness and energy to my spirit. I want to KNOW the word of God. I want to know GOD.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Friday, July 17, 2009
Dear :)
Hi. So..... I wanted to write you a letter. I just wanted to tell you some stuff.
One I miss you so much. I hate that we have to be apart for a time. But I know that it will be worth it when we are finally together. It's hard to wait and so hard when I think about you since I know I can't see you right now. But I remember that I WILL SEE YOU SOON. It's SO HARD when I know you are the one for me. And I know that we are supposed to be together..and right now we're not. But I won't worry and I won't fret because I KNOW WILL BE. I will see your beloved face. I WILL! I Know.
Two, besides the fact that I miss you SO MUCH.........I think about you ALL THE TIME. I just wish I could see your face you know? And look into your eyes again. I think about the beautiful, romantic times we spent together. All the times you looked at me and I looked at you and then we started dancing. And all the times I went out to lay on the grass with a blanket and you met me there. And everytime we gave so much to each other and we were so happy to be with eachother and then all the times we were just together and didn't even say a word to eachother but we were just content to be hangin in each other's presence. I think about all of our memories. All the places we've gone together. I remember the first time you took me on a road trip to north carolina and there you romanced me in a way few people have known. I think that week we had something extra special and amazing. That was one of my favorite times in all my life. It was the first time I realized...wow I think I'm in love.
And then when you took me to washington DC and we prayed together for America and we cried together and then at the end you pointed to the sky and showed me all those brilliant stars, and then we had the BEST drive home together on that bus with those other people, listening to Light of Your Face, and looking up at the full moon, and knowing that we had partnered together that day. I was full of wonder the whole trip, and you seemed delighted to see that. You delighted in me.
And then when we went to Tennessee together in the mountains and the whole time you kept finding amazing ways to tell me you loved me. Like, romantic, like REALLY ROMANTIC ways..you would take me deep into the mountains and on hikes in the woods and we laughed so hard with all of our friends, and we sang late into the night around those campfires, and then that one day you really wanted to amaze me and you took me on that hike to that waterfall and on the way back IT POURED SOOOOO HARD AND WE JUST HAD THE BEST MOMENT EVER!~!!!!!!!! I know that was one of the best moments of my entire life. W e were hiking through in that downpour, absolutely soaking wet, and laughing and jumping in the puddles and it was just INCREDIBLE to me. I HAD SO MUCH FUN!!!!!!!
And all the little trips in between the years we've known eachother..like that one time we went to North Carolina and that time we went to Alabama, those times on the road are some of the best we've had..listening to our music, singing and worshiping together, and looking at the amazing scenery.........and me being amazed of course, and you just delighting to take me along on this journey and being so happy that I am so happy and WOWOWOWOWOW I CAN'T BELIEVE EVERYTHING WE'VE DONE TOGETHER!!!!
And then..you invited me to Haiti with you. WOW that was amazing. I couldn't believe you wanted ME to go. We had an amazing time. And our relationship was so much stronger after that trip. We loved on people together, we sang songs together, we laughed with the mission teams and walked around, me in awe and full of wonder once again, and you so happy to show me all that you knew would amaze me. YOu couldn't wait to show me everything. And you were so gentle to me on that trip, you dealt with me so kindly and you took care of me and took care of my heart. And when we got home I felt restored because of all the stuff I had gone through in the months leading up to the trip. YOu were so kind to me and so loving. I remember being so happy and amazed that you loved me so much.
And all the different conferences where I went and you just showed up there....all those times were ao awesome most of the times I wasn't even expecting to see you there and YOU WERE THERE....and then I just started to expect you to be there because you LOVE ME..but I remember some times when i really wanted to see you and I didn't because you never came, and then there were some times that you were there but you didn't talk to me. And those were the times that made me so sad..but probably you were waiting for me to talk to you first. But I didn't. Yeah I don't know.......I know you knew I was there and you were probably just waiting for me to come and talk to you first..sometimes I just get shy and I want to hide. But I knew you loved me the whole time, so i don't really know why it made me sad, but it just pains my heart to not be with you especially if you are THERE in the room or the building or whatever.
But I remember so many times just running into you when I TOTALLY did not expect to, like at the store, and you just surprised me, and like at church those times when I was just at the altar crying and then you just came up again and wrapped your arms around me and met me there and loved me........
YOU ARE SO ROMANTIC I HAVE NEVER SEEN A RELATIONSHIP LIKE THIS IN MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you I can't wait to see all the great adventures we will have together I could not LIVE WITHOUT YOU!!! You are everything to me, you are my life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I know we won't be seperated forever. We will be together soon don't worry!!!! I can't wait! As soon as i see you again I will RUN to you and jump into your arms!!!
I JUST WANT TO BE WITH YOU SO BAD!!!!!!!
Oh and let me know what you want me to do next, I'll do whatever you want I will just plan my schedule around when you want me to and stuff. Just let me know. I hope your heart is free and not troubled or bogged down in any way and I hope you ARE REJOICING about all that is to come!
Tell me when you want me to come see you. I can come for 3 months. Then I could come again. Lauren's wedding is coming up soon and I am her maid of honor so I need to be with her but it's ok if I leave for 3 months if we get alot of planning in these 2 months before I leave (if you want me to come in sept.) and then we can really get down to business and get the whip crackin after I get back before the wedding. But i would rather be with you even more than I want to do this wedding. I know I will still get to do it. But I REALLY WANT TO SEE YOU. So let me know.......I WANT TO COME SO BAD AND SEE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I LOVE YOU more than anything in the world! <3
One I miss you so much. I hate that we have to be apart for a time. But I know that it will be worth it when we are finally together. It's hard to wait and so hard when I think about you since I know I can't see you right now. But I remember that I WILL SEE YOU SOON. It's SO HARD when I know you are the one for me. And I know that we are supposed to be together..and right now we're not. But I won't worry and I won't fret because I KNOW WILL BE. I will see your beloved face. I WILL! I Know.
Two, besides the fact that I miss you SO MUCH.........I think about you ALL THE TIME. I just wish I could see your face you know? And look into your eyes again. I think about the beautiful, romantic times we spent together. All the times you looked at me and I looked at you and then we started dancing. And all the times I went out to lay on the grass with a blanket and you met me there. And everytime we gave so much to each other and we were so happy to be with eachother and then all the times we were just together and didn't even say a word to eachother but we were just content to be hangin in each other's presence. I think about all of our memories. All the places we've gone together. I remember the first time you took me on a road trip to north carolina and there you romanced me in a way few people have known. I think that week we had something extra special and amazing. That was one of my favorite times in all my life. It was the first time I realized...wow I think I'm in love.
And then when you took me to washington DC and we prayed together for America and we cried together and then at the end you pointed to the sky and showed me all those brilliant stars, and then we had the BEST drive home together on that bus with those other people, listening to Light of Your Face, and looking up at the full moon, and knowing that we had partnered together that day. I was full of wonder the whole trip, and you seemed delighted to see that. You delighted in me.
And then when we went to Tennessee together in the mountains and the whole time you kept finding amazing ways to tell me you loved me. Like, romantic, like REALLY ROMANTIC ways..you would take me deep into the mountains and on hikes in the woods and we laughed so hard with all of our friends, and we sang late into the night around those campfires, and then that one day you really wanted to amaze me and you took me on that hike to that waterfall and on the way back IT POURED SOOOOO HARD AND WE JUST HAD THE BEST MOMENT EVER!~!!!!!!!! I know that was one of the best moments of my entire life. W e were hiking through in that downpour, absolutely soaking wet, and laughing and jumping in the puddles and it was just INCREDIBLE to me. I HAD SO MUCH FUN!!!!!!!
And all the little trips in between the years we've known eachother..like that one time we went to North Carolina and that time we went to Alabama, those times on the road are some of the best we've had..listening to our music, singing and worshiping together, and looking at the amazing scenery.........and me being amazed of course, and you just delighting to take me along on this journey and being so happy that I am so happy and WOWOWOWOWOW I CAN'T BELIEVE EVERYTHING WE'VE DONE TOGETHER!!!!
And then..you invited me to Haiti with you. WOW that was amazing. I couldn't believe you wanted ME to go. We had an amazing time. And our relationship was so much stronger after that trip. We loved on people together, we sang songs together, we laughed with the mission teams and walked around, me in awe and full of wonder once again, and you so happy to show me all that you knew would amaze me. YOu couldn't wait to show me everything. And you were so gentle to me on that trip, you dealt with me so kindly and you took care of me and took care of my heart. And when we got home I felt restored because of all the stuff I had gone through in the months leading up to the trip. YOu were so kind to me and so loving. I remember being so happy and amazed that you loved me so much.
And all the different conferences where I went and you just showed up there....all those times were ao awesome most of the times I wasn't even expecting to see you there and YOU WERE THERE....and then I just started to expect you to be there because you LOVE ME..but I remember some times when i really wanted to see you and I didn't because you never came, and then there were some times that you were there but you didn't talk to me. And those were the times that made me so sad..but probably you were waiting for me to talk to you first. But I didn't. Yeah I don't know.......I know you knew I was there and you were probably just waiting for me to come and talk to you first..sometimes I just get shy and I want to hide. But I knew you loved me the whole time, so i don't really know why it made me sad, but it just pains my heart to not be with you especially if you are THERE in the room or the building or whatever.
But I remember so many times just running into you when I TOTALLY did not expect to, like at the store, and you just surprised me, and like at church those times when I was just at the altar crying and then you just came up again and wrapped your arms around me and met me there and loved me........
YOU ARE SO ROMANTIC I HAVE NEVER SEEN A RELATIONSHIP LIKE THIS IN MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you I can't wait to see all the great adventures we will have together I could not LIVE WITHOUT YOU!!! You are everything to me, you are my life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I know we won't be seperated forever. We will be together soon don't worry!!!! I can't wait! As soon as i see you again I will RUN to you and jump into your arms!!!
I JUST WANT TO BE WITH YOU SO BAD!!!!!!!
Oh and let me know what you want me to do next, I'll do whatever you want I will just plan my schedule around when you want me to and stuff. Just let me know. I hope your heart is free and not troubled or bogged down in any way and I hope you ARE REJOICING about all that is to come!
Tell me when you want me to come see you. I can come for 3 months. Then I could come again. Lauren's wedding is coming up soon and I am her maid of honor so I need to be with her but it's ok if I leave for 3 months if we get alot of planning in these 2 months before I leave (if you want me to come in sept.) and then we can really get down to business and get the whip crackin after I get back before the wedding. But i would rather be with you even more than I want to do this wedding. I know I will still get to do it. But I REALLY WANT TO SEE YOU. So let me know.......I WANT TO COME SO BAD AND SEE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I LOVE YOU more than anything in the world! <3
Friday, June 26, 2009
How big is God?
I think I had a revelation of just how small my little tiny life in my little tiny corner of my tiny world is.
I think about the millions of generations that have come and gone and come and gone before me....and I think about the ones that will follow...and then I think about God. I think of HIm just watching these generations and generations of millions of people walk the earth. What does He see? What can this look like???? I think of all the babies being born, all the children running around, all the students in school, all the graduations, weddings, birthdays, funerals, all of these events centered around LIFE, human life, that is so fragile......all of them celebrating life or a life lived..and I think ..God is just watching all of this, and He is still God..He has been since before time began, and is now, and is going to be forever..and then I think about that, and how crazy it must be....my gosh it blows my mind. It is absolutely mind blowing to me.
How I am here in my little tiny sphere of life, in this small town, in this county, state, country, continent, world, and then there are billions of other "tiny lives" ....and then...there are millions of other lives..not even human, I mean creatures, animals...millions of them, and then, there is nature, I mean, huge mountains, oceans, canyons, glaciers, ice bergs, hills, trees, forests, rivers, lakes, plains, sky, flowers, plants, rocks, stones, etc. etc. etc., and that's just the earth. Then there are the cosoms. The galaxies. Space that man has never and will never go. I wonder how many galaxies there are. I wonder just how big it actually is.
When I think about all of that.......my life seems so insignificant. It is just one tiny vapor mixed with millions of other tiny vapors (the lives of people on the earth) in this tiny corner of the earth.
When I get upset at something that happens in my life, or some set of circumstances that I don't like, or some heartache that inevitably will come my way, I am just reminded how SMALL of an issue it is. When it seems like it is so bad and I just hate it so much and it is so hard to go through........God taps me on the shoulder and I am left speechless...WOW. My life is so insignificant in light of all this. In light of YOU and who you are, God. And I get a HUGE reality check. Like major reality check.
My life seems to disappear, like vanish, like the fog or the mist, just like it says in James 4:14
"Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes." and in Isaiah 40 " "All men are like grass,
and all their glory is like the flowers of the field.
7 The grass withers and the flowers fall,
because the breath of the LORD blows on them.
Surely the people are grass.
8 The grass withers and the flowers fall,
but the word of our God stands forever." v.6,7,8
I love it when that happens. When my my perspective is shifted into the right one, the way it should be.
Someday I will know why. Someday I won't have any more questions. Someday I will understand it all. It doesn't make sense to me, how big God is. How big the world is, the earth, and everything else. Eternity doesn't make sense. I can't wrap my mind around any of it no matter how hard I try. But all I really need to know is that God is God. That brings me so much peace, so much HOPE. Someday He and I will see eye to eye. But right now I am confined to this earth, to the bounds of humanity. One day I will be free, my heart will be free, and I will be with Him, and I will know what He knows, and I will understand.
God is so comforting. It is so comforting to rest in His arms and to know that HE KNOWS. HE KNOWS ALL. That HE IS HIGHER than anything and everything else. HE IS BIGGER THAN ANYTHING. HE IS GOD. And I'm on His side. So I have nothing to fear.
I want to be with Him, wherever He is, I want to be involved in what He's doing, I want to find out what He knows about the world and about eternity and everything, even though my small mind can't comprehend all of it. I want to talk with Him and walk with Him and watch what He does. I want to watch Him as He moves and works. I want to be a copycat. I want to be just like my Father.
.........................He rewards those who seek Him WITH ALL THEIR HEART, and those who search Him out.....
I think about the millions of generations that have come and gone and come and gone before me....and I think about the ones that will follow...and then I think about God. I think of HIm just watching these generations and generations of millions of people walk the earth. What does He see? What can this look like???? I think of all the babies being born, all the children running around, all the students in school, all the graduations, weddings, birthdays, funerals, all of these events centered around LIFE, human life, that is so fragile......all of them celebrating life or a life lived..and I think ..God is just watching all of this, and He is still God..He has been since before time began, and is now, and is going to be forever..and then I think about that, and how crazy it must be....my gosh it blows my mind. It is absolutely mind blowing to me.
How I am here in my little tiny sphere of life, in this small town, in this county, state, country, continent, world, and then there are billions of other "tiny lives" ....and then...there are millions of other lives..not even human, I mean creatures, animals...millions of them, and then, there is nature, I mean, huge mountains, oceans, canyons, glaciers, ice bergs, hills, trees, forests, rivers, lakes, plains, sky, flowers, plants, rocks, stones, etc. etc. etc., and that's just the earth. Then there are the cosoms. The galaxies. Space that man has never and will never go. I wonder how many galaxies there are. I wonder just how big it actually is.
When I think about all of that.......my life seems so insignificant. It is just one tiny vapor mixed with millions of other tiny vapors (the lives of people on the earth) in this tiny corner of the earth.
When I get upset at something that happens in my life, or some set of circumstances that I don't like, or some heartache that inevitably will come my way, I am just reminded how SMALL of an issue it is. When it seems like it is so bad and I just hate it so much and it is so hard to go through........God taps me on the shoulder and I am left speechless...WOW. My life is so insignificant in light of all this. In light of YOU and who you are, God. And I get a HUGE reality check. Like major reality check.
My life seems to disappear, like vanish, like the fog or the mist, just like it says in James 4:14
"Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes." and in Isaiah 40 " "All men are like grass,
and all their glory is like the flowers of the field.
7 The grass withers and the flowers fall,
because the breath of the LORD blows on them.
Surely the people are grass.
8 The grass withers and the flowers fall,
but the word of our God stands forever." v.6,7,8
I love it when that happens. When my my perspective is shifted into the right one, the way it should be.
Someday I will know why. Someday I won't have any more questions. Someday I will understand it all. It doesn't make sense to me, how big God is. How big the world is, the earth, and everything else. Eternity doesn't make sense. I can't wrap my mind around any of it no matter how hard I try. But all I really need to know is that God is God. That brings me so much peace, so much HOPE. Someday He and I will see eye to eye. But right now I am confined to this earth, to the bounds of humanity. One day I will be free, my heart will be free, and I will be with Him, and I will know what He knows, and I will understand.
God is so comforting. It is so comforting to rest in His arms and to know that HE KNOWS. HE KNOWS ALL. That HE IS HIGHER than anything and everything else. HE IS BIGGER THAN ANYTHING. HE IS GOD. And I'm on His side. So I have nothing to fear.
I want to be with Him, wherever He is, I want to be involved in what He's doing, I want to find out what He knows about the world and about eternity and everything, even though my small mind can't comprehend all of it. I want to talk with Him and walk with Him and watch what He does. I want to watch Him as He moves and works. I want to be a copycat. I want to be just like my Father.
.........................He rewards those who seek Him WITH ALL THEIR HEART, and those who search Him out.....
Revival Booklet
I cannot keep my mind from going there. As much as I try to think about things that really don't mean so much in the grand scheme of things, just to distract me or help me “avoid” this massive thing that I KNOW He is calling me to do something about, all of my striving never works. I cannot help but go back to this. My heart is strongly attached ....to His heart, and to this massive calling. Laying in bed at night, I try to not think about it, but it is impossible. Why do I not want to think about it? Why do I try and stop my thoughts from being born?
Perhaps because ........if I think about it, I might be convicted, just a little. I might be pushed. I might be made a bit uncomfortable, knowing that I have not been praying with desperation and have not desired this thing enough. If God puts it on your heart, it is impossible to “sort of” want it, or “kind of” want it, or halfheartedly pray about it. If God puts it on your heart, it is impossible to want it REALLLLLY bad and not do something about it.
No, when God puts it on your heart, it is impossible to ignore. The desiring gets too deep. It pulls and tugs at your heart until you can no longer pretend that it's not there, or you will do something about it later, maybe tomorrow. Because then......tomorrow comes, and you don't do anything about it. And in essence, you slowly lure your heart back to sleep and dull your ears to the leading of His voice. And that is a tragedy.
What is this thing, you ask? What is this thing that is completely impossible to ignore? What is this thing that is absolutely necessary and completely, undeniably missing from our world?
........REVIVAL.........
You may wonder why revival is so absolutely wrenching on the soul. Why is it so painfully, unquenchably strong? Why is it so impossible to ignore?
.......It is like a steady heartbeat, slowly getting faster and faster, and more steady, and louder, until you HAVE GOT to do something about it. If you don't, your heart will explode. It is so strong. That is what this yearning is like. And I have felt it for almost 3 years. I have to say that it is my own fault I have not done much about it. I am the only one to blame. For almost 3 years this burning has been ablaze inside me, but I have tried to ease it down. For what? Am I waiting on something? For the perfect moment? Why have I tried to contain this flame that wants to roar and burst out of this box that I am trying to contain it in?
.........Perhaps it is fear. This fire is absolutely frightening. It is huge, it is new, it is CHANGE. It is SHIFT. It is a completely scary thing. I am not scared of change, but a change this massive is like a complete, 180 degree turn around and I don't know what to expect. Before, during, or after. That is frightening.
But I can't stay away from it. I can't deny it. It just keeps getting stronger and stronger inside of me.
I read stories of past revivals, I read about men like Charles Wesley, and the group of young men in Ireland who had such a strong yearning and undeniable passion heart-cry for nothing less than A MOVE OF GOD, A REVIVAL, that they held a prayer meeting for countless days, refusing sleep and refusing to eat, denying “reality” and the mundane-ness of every day life, in exchange for GOD HIMSELF, and I read these things, and my heart burns within me. It is such a stirring that takes place in my spirit.
I hear about school revivals, where they have to cancel school because GOD CAME and every student in the school was ON THEIR FACE before Him. Where the spirit of God fell and brought such conviction that people ran out of the bars and out of the stores and ran into the churches and stayed for days, unable to get away from the heavy hand of God upon them.
Individual lifestyles, corporate communities and whole cities were changed, and shook entire nations. I hear about the men who cried to the Lord “GOD GIVE ME SOULS OR I DIE!” And who cried for their nations, “GOD GIVE ME SCOTLAND OR GIVE ME DEATH!” And one man who was in such deep, gut-wrenching, anguish of the soul while praying that it actually affected his physical heart, doctors found that his hear had moved from the side of his chest to the middle.
I hear about these things, and I wonder why can't I see them in my day and time? Habakkuk's prayer is now becoming mine : “LORD, I have heard of your fame; I stand in awe of your deeds, O LORD. Renew them in our day, in our time make them known; in wrath remember mercy.” [Hk. 3:2]
I know that I don't desire it strong enough to see it fully manifested right now. But I am believing that He will make me so desperate for revival and for His move, that it will start to knock and pound on heaven's door and soon unlock heaven and rain down. God answers desperate prayers. He answers genuine cries for His presence. He comes to the needy and the ones in deep inner anguish and turmoil. GOD ANSWERS THE DESPERATE.
I am not yet desperate enough. I know this because I do not have the desire to stay up for 3 nights without sleep and without food contending for Him to come. I contend, I intercede, I ask for His face, but I do not beg. I am not desperate. I want Him, but how bad do I want him? I want his hand, his touch, his face, his presence, but I will be okay if I don't get it. I want Him to come, but I will manage if He doesn't. If He comes, that is awesome, but if He doesn't, I will be content with the rest.
I cannot tell you how badly I want to break and shatter this mindset. It is a horrible way of thinking. All I know is, I MUST BE DESPERATE. I MUST BE FILLED WITH HUNGER. I cannot stand to live my life with that mindset. I have been asking God to make this fire so strong within me that I have no choice but to become desperate.
I want to get to the place where I have such a strong hunger that I spend hour after hour in deep intercession, crying for God to come, begging Him for mercy, and wetting heaven's gates with my tears. I want Him to make me hungry.
Even then, when I get to that place, I wonder, can we corporately get to that place? Can God so move on our hearts that we all tie together in one accord and in holy desperation and plead for Him to come? Can we together usher in an unprecedented move of God, the greatest revival yet to come, the harvest of a billion souls, the last, greatest, and final revival that is to take place before Christ's return? Is ith possible?
I SAY YES! I believe THIS IS THE WILL OF GOD!
Can you imagine, hundreds of thousands of millions of God's people, crying out in unison, in a holy desperation, with a hunger so deep and heavy, willing to go without food and without sleep, because we are so heavily desperate for Him, that we could split the skies and cause God to MOVE and to rend the heavens and come down and meet us in our place of deep hunger? I want to see it with my eyes!
When I think about that, I wonder........how much capacity is there for God in our lives, in our world? How much room is there for Him? How much room will we allow Him to occupy? I want nothing less that OVERFLOW. I don't want Him to be contained. Because I will tell you right now, He CANNOT BE CONTAINED. He is not going to come and live in a box.
It just makes me wonder, even if we are so deeply hungry, how much capacity is there? “GOD, I AM SO DESPERATE FOR YOU TO COME! I WANT YOU SO MUCH! I NEED YOU SO BADLY!” But do we keep locked up in our hearts the secret little notion “Just don't come on Friday night, because I already have plans” or “I'm so so desperate, but when you come, just make sure all the hype is over by tuesday, because I have stuff to do. Just don't come on this night, because the NBA Finals are on and I can't miss that! Any other time is good though! Just don't interrupt my work day. It's really important.”
I wonder, could it be that He wants to INTERRUPT EVERYTHING? What if God wants, on friday night, instead of your plans, to sweep through the city and cancel everyone's plans, so that everyone is overtaken by the extreme power of God, and falling on their faces overwhelmed with deep conviction and amazed at the great love of God? Would that not be better than your out-to-dinner plans? Would that not far outweigh your plans to relax and enjoy your weekend with pizza and a movie night? What would you rather have: a relaxing, pleasurable weekend to recuperate for the week ahead, or GOD to COME DOWN out of heaven and place His hand upon you so strongly that you don't even NEED to recuperate for the week ahead, because you have been so blasted and are in awe of HIS GLORY that the week ahead is going to be a breeze, because you are in His presence?
When God visits, the hard becomes easy, the crazy and hectic becomes calm, the madness becomes sane, the darkness becomes light, everything becomes visible, and HE OPENS YOUR EYES. Your attitude is changed, your countenance is changed, your outlook and perspective are shifted, the heaviness lifts and is replaced with His easy burden. What seemed so mundane is now meaningful. Your questions are answered. Your day to day life MATTERS. And why? Because He has come. He has breathed life into every sphere of YOUR life.
HIS PRESENCE CHANGES EVERYTHING.
What if God wanted to do all of that, but couldn't because we placed Him in a box. What if we had just kept going a little bit longer, prayed a little bit harder, instead of leaving because it is dinner time?
WHAT IF WE MADE ROOM FOR GOD.
What if we became okay with Him interrupting us. What if it became alright if He wanted stay longer and cause us to miss this meeting, or that appointment? What if, instead of our doctor appointment, He wanted to come, and He wanted to heal us? What if, instead of our lunch time, He wanted to come, and He would take away our hunger so that we could enjoy His presence?
What if, instead of leaving at 8:30 pm because we need to go home, He wanted to come and visit us at church, and we wouldn't even have to worry about turning off all the lights or locking up, because He wanted to visit the city, and needed places for the ones He touched to come?
WHAT IF GOD WANTS TO MOVE RIGHT NOW? WILL YOU MOVE OUT OF THE WAY SO THAT HE CAN?
Will you let go of your schedule and your plans, so that He can come and make His own plans? So that He can come and breathe life into you? So that He can come and overwhelm you with waves of His great love?
I want so badly to not stiff-arm Him when He wants to come, just because I have plans. “Not now, God, just wait until later today, I promise you will have as much time as you want then.” But what if He wants to interrupt and come now? Would I let Him do that?
I want my religious boxes and my useless efforts to contain God, to be shattered and broken by the vast, un-containable and massive glory of God. I WANT TO EXPERIENCE HIM ONCE MORE.
How my heart yearns for revival. How much room have we given Him? I have a feeling He needs all of it. He is a big God. So big, in fact, that He cannot be contained. In 1 Kings 8, Solomon is dedicating the temple he has built for the Lord to dwell. He asks this question in verse 27: “But will God really dwell on earth? The heavens, even the highest heaven, cannot contain you. How much less this temple I have built!”
I want to make sure that He has no hindrances in His coming. I want to clear the way and make straight the path for Him to come. I want to remove and throw out and get rid of all hindrances.
If we are ever going to see this near revival that is stirring, we must give Him what He needs to come. He needs us to get out of the way. He cannot come when us humans are in the way with our schedules and plans and “penciling Him in”. He needs absolute freedom, room, capacity, EVERYTHING. He needs all of it. Are we willing to give it up in exchange for HIM? Not his hand, but his face.
I need yearning hunger; I need deep desperation; and I need to make sure I am out of the way, because.....GOD ANSWERS THE DESPERATE CRIES.
Perhaps because ........if I think about it, I might be convicted, just a little. I might be pushed. I might be made a bit uncomfortable, knowing that I have not been praying with desperation and have not desired this thing enough. If God puts it on your heart, it is impossible to “sort of” want it, or “kind of” want it, or halfheartedly pray about it. If God puts it on your heart, it is impossible to want it REALLLLLY bad and not do something about it.
No, when God puts it on your heart, it is impossible to ignore. The desiring gets too deep. It pulls and tugs at your heart until you can no longer pretend that it's not there, or you will do something about it later, maybe tomorrow. Because then......tomorrow comes, and you don't do anything about it. And in essence, you slowly lure your heart back to sleep and dull your ears to the leading of His voice. And that is a tragedy.
What is this thing, you ask? What is this thing that is completely impossible to ignore? What is this thing that is absolutely necessary and completely, undeniably missing from our world?
........REVIVAL.........
You may wonder why revival is so absolutely wrenching on the soul. Why is it so painfully, unquenchably strong? Why is it so impossible to ignore?
.......It is like a steady heartbeat, slowly getting faster and faster, and more steady, and louder, until you HAVE GOT to do something about it. If you don't, your heart will explode. It is so strong. That is what this yearning is like. And I have felt it for almost 3 years. I have to say that it is my own fault I have not done much about it. I am the only one to blame. For almost 3 years this burning has been ablaze inside me, but I have tried to ease it down. For what? Am I waiting on something? For the perfect moment? Why have I tried to contain this flame that wants to roar and burst out of this box that I am trying to contain it in?
.........Perhaps it is fear. This fire is absolutely frightening. It is huge, it is new, it is CHANGE. It is SHIFT. It is a completely scary thing. I am not scared of change, but a change this massive is like a complete, 180 degree turn around and I don't know what to expect. Before, during, or after. That is frightening.
But I can't stay away from it. I can't deny it. It just keeps getting stronger and stronger inside of me.
I read stories of past revivals, I read about men like Charles Wesley, and the group of young men in Ireland who had such a strong yearning and undeniable passion heart-cry for nothing less than A MOVE OF GOD, A REVIVAL, that they held a prayer meeting for countless days, refusing sleep and refusing to eat, denying “reality” and the mundane-ness of every day life, in exchange for GOD HIMSELF, and I read these things, and my heart burns within me. It is such a stirring that takes place in my spirit.
I hear about school revivals, where they have to cancel school because GOD CAME and every student in the school was ON THEIR FACE before Him. Where the spirit of God fell and brought such conviction that people ran out of the bars and out of the stores and ran into the churches and stayed for days, unable to get away from the heavy hand of God upon them.
Individual lifestyles, corporate communities and whole cities were changed, and shook entire nations. I hear about the men who cried to the Lord “GOD GIVE ME SOULS OR I DIE!” And who cried for their nations, “GOD GIVE ME SCOTLAND OR GIVE ME DEATH!” And one man who was in such deep, gut-wrenching, anguish of the soul while praying that it actually affected his physical heart, doctors found that his hear had moved from the side of his chest to the middle.
I hear about these things, and I wonder why can't I see them in my day and time? Habakkuk's prayer is now becoming mine : “LORD, I have heard of your fame; I stand in awe of your deeds, O LORD. Renew them in our day, in our time make them known; in wrath remember mercy.” [Hk. 3:2]
I know that I don't desire it strong enough to see it fully manifested right now. But I am believing that He will make me so desperate for revival and for His move, that it will start to knock and pound on heaven's door and soon unlock heaven and rain down. God answers desperate prayers. He answers genuine cries for His presence. He comes to the needy and the ones in deep inner anguish and turmoil. GOD ANSWERS THE DESPERATE.
I am not yet desperate enough. I know this because I do not have the desire to stay up for 3 nights without sleep and without food contending for Him to come. I contend, I intercede, I ask for His face, but I do not beg. I am not desperate. I want Him, but how bad do I want him? I want his hand, his touch, his face, his presence, but I will be okay if I don't get it. I want Him to come, but I will manage if He doesn't. If He comes, that is awesome, but if He doesn't, I will be content with the rest.
I cannot tell you how badly I want to break and shatter this mindset. It is a horrible way of thinking. All I know is, I MUST BE DESPERATE. I MUST BE FILLED WITH HUNGER. I cannot stand to live my life with that mindset. I have been asking God to make this fire so strong within me that I have no choice but to become desperate.
I want to get to the place where I have such a strong hunger that I spend hour after hour in deep intercession, crying for God to come, begging Him for mercy, and wetting heaven's gates with my tears. I want Him to make me hungry.
Even then, when I get to that place, I wonder, can we corporately get to that place? Can God so move on our hearts that we all tie together in one accord and in holy desperation and plead for Him to come? Can we together usher in an unprecedented move of God, the greatest revival yet to come, the harvest of a billion souls, the last, greatest, and final revival that is to take place before Christ's return? Is ith possible?
I SAY YES! I believe THIS IS THE WILL OF GOD!
Can you imagine, hundreds of thousands of millions of God's people, crying out in unison, in a holy desperation, with a hunger so deep and heavy, willing to go without food and without sleep, because we are so heavily desperate for Him, that we could split the skies and cause God to MOVE and to rend the heavens and come down and meet us in our place of deep hunger? I want to see it with my eyes!
When I think about that, I wonder........how much capacity is there for God in our lives, in our world? How much room is there for Him? How much room will we allow Him to occupy? I want nothing less that OVERFLOW. I don't want Him to be contained. Because I will tell you right now, He CANNOT BE CONTAINED. He is not going to come and live in a box.
It just makes me wonder, even if we are so deeply hungry, how much capacity is there? “GOD, I AM SO DESPERATE FOR YOU TO COME! I WANT YOU SO MUCH! I NEED YOU SO BADLY!” But do we keep locked up in our hearts the secret little notion “Just don't come on Friday night, because I already have plans” or “I'm so so desperate, but when you come, just make sure all the hype is over by tuesday, because I have stuff to do. Just don't come on this night, because the NBA Finals are on and I can't miss that! Any other time is good though! Just don't interrupt my work day. It's really important.”
I wonder, could it be that He wants to INTERRUPT EVERYTHING? What if God wants, on friday night, instead of your plans, to sweep through the city and cancel everyone's plans, so that everyone is overtaken by the extreme power of God, and falling on their faces overwhelmed with deep conviction and amazed at the great love of God? Would that not be better than your out-to-dinner plans? Would that not far outweigh your plans to relax and enjoy your weekend with pizza and a movie night? What would you rather have: a relaxing, pleasurable weekend to recuperate for the week ahead, or GOD to COME DOWN out of heaven and place His hand upon you so strongly that you don't even NEED to recuperate for the week ahead, because you have been so blasted and are in awe of HIS GLORY that the week ahead is going to be a breeze, because you are in His presence?
When God visits, the hard becomes easy, the crazy and hectic becomes calm, the madness becomes sane, the darkness becomes light, everything becomes visible, and HE OPENS YOUR EYES. Your attitude is changed, your countenance is changed, your outlook and perspective are shifted, the heaviness lifts and is replaced with His easy burden. What seemed so mundane is now meaningful. Your questions are answered. Your day to day life MATTERS. And why? Because He has come. He has breathed life into every sphere of YOUR life.
HIS PRESENCE CHANGES EVERYTHING.
What if God wanted to do all of that, but couldn't because we placed Him in a box. What if we had just kept going a little bit longer, prayed a little bit harder, instead of leaving because it is dinner time?
WHAT IF WE MADE ROOM FOR GOD.
What if we became okay with Him interrupting us. What if it became alright if He wanted stay longer and cause us to miss this meeting, or that appointment? What if, instead of our doctor appointment, He wanted to come, and He wanted to heal us? What if, instead of our lunch time, He wanted to come, and He would take away our hunger so that we could enjoy His presence?
What if, instead of leaving at 8:30 pm because we need to go home, He wanted to come and visit us at church, and we wouldn't even have to worry about turning off all the lights or locking up, because He wanted to visit the city, and needed places for the ones He touched to come?
WHAT IF GOD WANTS TO MOVE RIGHT NOW? WILL YOU MOVE OUT OF THE WAY SO THAT HE CAN?
Will you let go of your schedule and your plans, so that He can come and make His own plans? So that He can come and breathe life into you? So that He can come and overwhelm you with waves of His great love?
I want so badly to not stiff-arm Him when He wants to come, just because I have plans. “Not now, God, just wait until later today, I promise you will have as much time as you want then.” But what if He wants to interrupt and come now? Would I let Him do that?
I want my religious boxes and my useless efforts to contain God, to be shattered and broken by the vast, un-containable and massive glory of God. I WANT TO EXPERIENCE HIM ONCE MORE.
How my heart yearns for revival. How much room have we given Him? I have a feeling He needs all of it. He is a big God. So big, in fact, that He cannot be contained. In 1 Kings 8, Solomon is dedicating the temple he has built for the Lord to dwell. He asks this question in verse 27: “But will God really dwell on earth? The heavens, even the highest heaven, cannot contain you. How much less this temple I have built!”
I want to make sure that He has no hindrances in His coming. I want to clear the way and make straight the path for Him to come. I want to remove and throw out and get rid of all hindrances.
If we are ever going to see this near revival that is stirring, we must give Him what He needs to come. He needs us to get out of the way. He cannot come when us humans are in the way with our schedules and plans and “penciling Him in”. He needs absolute freedom, room, capacity, EVERYTHING. He needs all of it. Are we willing to give it up in exchange for HIM? Not his hand, but his face.
I need yearning hunger; I need deep desperation; and I need to make sure I am out of the way, because.....GOD ANSWERS THE DESPERATE CRIES.
Promises
There is no god like the God of Jeshurun, who rides on the heavens to help you, and on the clouds in his majesty. The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms. He will drive out your enemy before you, saying “Destroy him!”
So you will live in safety alone, Jacob's spring is secure in a land of grain and new wine, where the heavens drop dew. Blessed are you, O child; who is like you, a child saved by the LORD?
He is your shield and helper, and your glorious sword. Your enemies will cower before you and you will trample down their high places. Deuteronomy 33:26-29
“You will enter Zion with singing, everlasting joy will crown your head. Gladness and joy will overtake you, and sorrow and sighing will flee away!” Isaiah 35:1
“I have loved you with an everlasting love, I have drawn you with loving kindness. I will build you up again, and you will be rebuilt, O virgin daughter. Again you will take up your tambourine and go out to dance with the joyful!” Jeremiah 31:3,4
So you will live in safety alone, Jacob's spring is secure in a land of grain and new wine, where the heavens drop dew. Blessed are you, O child; who is like you, a child saved by the LORD?
He is your shield and helper, and your glorious sword. Your enemies will cower before you and you will trample down their high places. Deuteronomy 33:26-29
“You will enter Zion with singing, everlasting joy will crown your head. Gladness and joy will overtake you, and sorrow and sighing will flee away!” Isaiah 35:1
“I have loved you with an everlasting love, I have drawn you with loving kindness. I will build you up again, and you will be rebuilt, O virgin daughter. Again you will take up your tambourine and go out to dance with the joyful!” Jeremiah 31:3,4
Divine Devotion
“If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters – yes, even his own life, he cannot be my disciple. And anyone who does not take up his cross and follow me cannot be my disciple.”
“Anyone who comes to me but refuses to let go of father, mother, spouse, children, brothers, sisters, yes, even one's own self, cannot be my disciple. Anyone who won't shoulder his own cross and follow behind me can't be my disciple.
v.33“Simply put, if if you're not willing to take what is dearest to you, whether plans or people, and kiss it goodbye, you can't be my disciple.”
To many this would not make sense, this would be the part when they turn and walk away. “That's asking too much. I want to follow Jesus, but I just can't do that.” It is hard to understand why such radicalness is needed. Why is this path so demanding? Why so radical? But one glimpse of the love of Christ is all it takes to silence all your doubt.
This kind of love is a demanding love. A love so genuine and reckless, so wholehearted and zealous demands the same in return. It is a jealous love. It demands all of you. Like the old hymn says, “Love so amazing, so divine, demands my soul, my life, my all.”
I want to end with this verse. It is a call to forsake everything because there is a King who desires your presence.
Now in context, these words are talking to the beautiful virgin girl going to meet king solomon. But I have adopted it as my personal divine invitation to come away with him into his holy courts and be outrageously loved by this beautiful One.
“Listen, O daughter, consider and give ear: Forget your people and your father's house; for the King is enthralled by your beauty. Honor Him, for He is your Lord.” Psalm 45:10, 11
“Anyone who comes to me but refuses to let go of father, mother, spouse, children, brothers, sisters, yes, even one's own self, cannot be my disciple. Anyone who won't shoulder his own cross and follow behind me can't be my disciple.
v.33“Simply put, if if you're not willing to take what is dearest to you, whether plans or people, and kiss it goodbye, you can't be my disciple.”
To many this would not make sense, this would be the part when they turn and walk away. “That's asking too much. I want to follow Jesus, but I just can't do that.” It is hard to understand why such radicalness is needed. Why is this path so demanding? Why so radical? But one glimpse of the love of Christ is all it takes to silence all your doubt.
This kind of love is a demanding love. A love so genuine and reckless, so wholehearted and zealous demands the same in return. It is a jealous love. It demands all of you. Like the old hymn says, “Love so amazing, so divine, demands my soul, my life, my all.”
I want to end with this verse. It is a call to forsake everything because there is a King who desires your presence.
Now in context, these words are talking to the beautiful virgin girl going to meet king solomon. But I have adopted it as my personal divine invitation to come away with him into his holy courts and be outrageously loved by this beautiful One.
“Listen, O daughter, consider and give ear: Forget your people and your father's house; for the King is enthralled by your beauty. Honor Him, for He is your Lord.” Psalm 45:10, 11
Eternity
What happens when it's all gone? What happens when I don't have any of this stuff left? Time is so short. So very short. The great shaking is coming. The end is so near. What is going to sustain me in this great shaking? Will it be all the love and worship songs God and I have shared that I have memorized the lyrics in my head? Will it be the memories of amazing things He and I did together? Will it be the knowledge of former experiences? Will it be the pages and pages documenting my journey with Him? Somehow, it seems that all these things, as beautiful as they are, are not going to sustain in the shaking. What is it, what is the one thing that will sustain in this great shaking that is so near?
It is clinging to the Lion for dear life. Everything will be in uproar – what will sustain me? Holding on to the Fairest of Ten Thousand, clinging to Him for dear life. How is that done? I would like to know.......
Former things cannot and will not sustain me. But they do build a foundation. I need to have a strong foundation. All the adventures God and I have had together, all the songs, all the memories, and all the journals full of all that will build me a very strong foundation. That is very good, and very wise.
But even when the shaking takes place, and I find myself with this strong foundation that comes from years growing up under His wings and spending my life with Him, then what?
Just a foundation is not enough.
When the nations are raging all around, when the whole world is in uproar, when everything is spiraling out of control and the earth is groaning for its Salvation, if I can just HOLD ON TO HIM, I WILL BE OKAY. If I can just cling to Him, I will be okay. He will hide me under His shadow. I will ride with Him as I hold onto this lion's mane. AND I WILL NOT FALL. I WILL STAND WITH HIM. If I move with Him, I will rule with him.
In the hour we are living in, the dawn of the new times, the last hours of the earth, I MUST CLING TO HIM. Only in Him will I find safety, shelter and what I need to remain standing when everything is falling around me.
Psalm 91
He who dwells in the shelter of the
Most High
will find rest in the shadow of the
Almighty. [Shaddai]
I will say of the Lord, 'He is my refuge
and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust.
Surely he will save you from the
fowler's snare
and from the deadly pestilence.
He will cover you with his feathers,
and under his wings you will find
refuge;
his faithfulness will be your shield
and rampart.
You will not fear the terror of night,
nor the arrow that flies by day,
nor the pestilence that stalks in the
darkness,
nor the plague that destroys at
midday. A thousand may fall at your side,
ten thousand at your right hand,
but it will not come near you.
You will only observe with your eyes,
and see the punishment of the
wicked.
If you make the Most High your
dwelling –
even the Lord, who is my refuge –
then no harm will befall you,
no disaster will come near your tent.
For he will command his angels
concerning you
to guard you in all your ways;
they will lift you up in their hands,
so that you will not strike your foot
against a stone.
You will tread upon the lion and the
cobra;
you will trample the great lion and
the serpent.
“Because he loves me,” says the Lord,
“I will rescue him;
I will protect him, for he
acknowledges my name.
He will call upon me, and I will answer
him;
I will be with him in trouble,
I will deliver and honor him.
With long life will I satisfy him
and show him my salvation.”
It is clinging to the Lion for dear life. Everything will be in uproar – what will sustain me? Holding on to the Fairest of Ten Thousand, clinging to Him for dear life. How is that done? I would like to know.......
Former things cannot and will not sustain me. But they do build a foundation. I need to have a strong foundation. All the adventures God and I have had together, all the songs, all the memories, and all the journals full of all that will build me a very strong foundation. That is very good, and very wise.
But even when the shaking takes place, and I find myself with this strong foundation that comes from years growing up under His wings and spending my life with Him, then what?
Just a foundation is not enough.
When the nations are raging all around, when the whole world is in uproar, when everything is spiraling out of control and the earth is groaning for its Salvation, if I can just HOLD ON TO HIM, I WILL BE OKAY. If I can just cling to Him, I will be okay. He will hide me under His shadow. I will ride with Him as I hold onto this lion's mane. AND I WILL NOT FALL. I WILL STAND WITH HIM. If I move with Him, I will rule with him.
In the hour we are living in, the dawn of the new times, the last hours of the earth, I MUST CLING TO HIM. Only in Him will I find safety, shelter and what I need to remain standing when everything is falling around me.
Psalm 91
He who dwells in the shelter of the
Most High
will find rest in the shadow of the
Almighty. [Shaddai]
I will say of the Lord, 'He is my refuge
and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust.
Surely he will save you from the
fowler's snare
and from the deadly pestilence.
He will cover you with his feathers,
and under his wings you will find
refuge;
his faithfulness will be your shield
and rampart.
You will not fear the terror of night,
nor the arrow that flies by day,
nor the pestilence that stalks in the
darkness,
nor the plague that destroys at
midday. A thousand may fall at your side,
ten thousand at your right hand,
but it will not come near you.
You will only observe with your eyes,
and see the punishment of the
wicked.
If you make the Most High your
dwelling –
even the Lord, who is my refuge –
then no harm will befall you,
no disaster will come near your tent.
For he will command his angels
concerning you
to guard you in all your ways;
they will lift you up in their hands,
so that you will not strike your foot
against a stone.
You will tread upon the lion and the
cobra;
you will trample the great lion and
the serpent.
“Because he loves me,” says the Lord,
“I will rescue him;
I will protect him, for he
acknowledges my name.
He will call upon me, and I will answer
him;
I will be with him in trouble,
I will deliver and honor him.
With long life will I satisfy him
and show him my salvation.”
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)